Sustaining Romance After Becoming Parents

FamilyMarriage

  • Author Margaret Paul, Ph.d.
  • Published September 30, 2005
  • Word count 708

A major challenge for parents, especially new parents, is

finding the time to be together in ways that foster romance

in their relationship. A question that a reader recently

asked me is: "Is it the quality of time versus the quantity

of time that is significant in 'we-time'? If yes, how?"

Romance is determined far more by the quality of the energy

between two people than by the amount of time they spend

together. If two people spend all day together, but they are

not open to each other regarding the sharing of learning,

laughter, play and creativity, they will not feel romantic

and intimate. They will feel far more romantic if they spend

a few minutes together and that few minutes is filled with

the intimacy that comes from being open hearted and

emotionally connected with each other. If two people hug

goodbye in the morning and the hug is perfunctory with their

minds already elsewhere, that hug will do nothing to foster

romance later that evening. But if the hug is filled with

love, warmth, tenderness and caring, that hug can do much to

sustain the romance through the day to be further expressed

in the evening.

The question is, what determines the quality of energy

between two people? What makes one hug filled with romantic

potential and another hug empty and meaningless?

The quality of the energy between two people is determined

by their intent:

  • If your intent is to have control over getting love or

avoiding pain, the hug will be empty and depleting,

regardless of your partner's intent.

  • If your intent and your partner's intent is to give love

and share love, the hug will be fulfilling and energizing.

There is a vast difference between the intention to get love

and avoid pain, and the intention to give and share love.

When your intention is to get love, you are coming from an

empty place within and wanting your partner to fill that

place for you. You will be giving the hug in order to get

filled – giving to get. Your touch will energetically be a

pull on your partner's energy to fill you up and make you

feel lovable and worthy. Since it doesn't feel good to be

pulled on energetically, your partner may hug you from a

withdrawn state, with the intention to avoid the pain of

being pulled on. If one of you hugs with the intent to get

love, and the other hugs with the intent to avoid pain, the

hug will not feel good.

If both of you are coming from an empty place within and

both of you are hugging with the intention to get love,

there will be no love to share and the hug will not feel

good.

If one of you hugs with the intention to give and share love

and the other hugs with the intent to get love, the giver

will end up feeling unfilled. He or she may enjoy giving

love, but there will be no sharing of love, and it is the

share of love that is truly the highest experience in life.

If both of you are already filled with love within due to

taking personal responsibility for your own feelings and

wellbeing, and to being spiritually connected to the Source

of love, then your intent is likely to be to give and share

love. When you both have the intent to give and share love,

the hug will be a wonderful expression of your love and will

be very fulfilling. Starting your day with a few minutes of

sharing love sets the stage for sharing love at other times.

Even if your time together is very limited, romance can be

sustained when two people have the intent to give and share

love.

Moving out of the intent to get love and avoid pain and into

the intent to give and share love is a personal process of

inner growth. It takes both people desiring to learn how to

fill themselves with love so that they have love to share to

create and sustain a fulfilling romantic relationship. As

parents with limited time to spend with each other, doing

this inner work is essential for the relationship with

thrive.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and

co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me

To Be Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is

the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing

process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a

FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or

email her at mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone

Sessions Available.

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