Sustaining Romance After Becoming Parents
- Author Margaret Paul, Ph.d.
- Published September 30, 2005
- Word count 708
A major challenge for parents, especially new parents, is
finding the time to be together in ways that foster romance
in their relationship. A question that a reader recently
asked me is: "Is it the quality of time versus the quantity
of time that is significant in 'we-time'? If yes, how?"
Romance is determined far more by the quality of the energy
between two people than by the amount of time they spend
together. If two people spend all day together, but they are
not open to each other regarding the sharing of learning,
laughter, play and creativity, they will not feel romantic
and intimate. They will feel far more romantic if they spend
a few minutes together and that few minutes is filled with
the intimacy that comes from being open hearted and
emotionally connected with each other. If two people hug
goodbye in the morning and the hug is perfunctory with their
minds already elsewhere, that hug will do nothing to foster
romance later that evening. But if the hug is filled with
love, warmth, tenderness and caring, that hug can do much to
sustain the romance through the day to be further expressed
in the evening.
The question is, what determines the quality of energy
between two people? What makes one hug filled with romantic
potential and another hug empty and meaningless?
The quality of the energy between two people is determined
by their intent:
- If your intent is to have control over getting love or
avoiding pain, the hug will be empty and depleting,
regardless of your partner's intent.
- If your intent and your partner's intent is to give love
and share love, the hug will be fulfilling and energizing.
There is a vast difference between the intention to get love
and avoid pain, and the intention to give and share love.
When your intention is to get love, you are coming from an
empty place within and wanting your partner to fill that
place for you. You will be giving the hug in order to get
filled – giving to get. Your touch will energetically be a
pull on your partner's energy to fill you up and make you
feel lovable and worthy. Since it doesn't feel good to be
pulled on energetically, your partner may hug you from a
withdrawn state, with the intention to avoid the pain of
being pulled on. If one of you hugs with the intent to get
love, and the other hugs with the intent to avoid pain, the
hug will not feel good.
If both of you are coming from an empty place within and
both of you are hugging with the intention to get love,
there will be no love to share and the hug will not feel
If one of you hugs with the intention to give and share love
and the other hugs with the intent to get love, the giver
will end up feeling unfilled. He or she may enjoy giving
love, but there will be no sharing of love, and it is the
share of love that is truly the highest experience in life.
If both of you are already filled with love within due to
taking personal responsibility for your own feelings and
wellbeing, and to being spiritually connected to the Source
of love, then your intent is likely to be to give and share
love. When you both have the intent to give and share love,
the hug will be a wonderful expression of your love and will
be very fulfilling. Starting your day with a few minutes of
sharing love sets the stage for sharing love at other times.
Even if your time together is very limited, romance can be
sustained when two people have the intent to give and share
Moving out of the intent to get love and avoid pain and into
the intent to give and share love is a personal process of
inner growth. It takes both people desiring to learn how to
fill themselves with love so that they have love to share to
create and sustain a fulfilling romantic relationship. As
parents with limited time to spend with each other, doing
this inner work is essential for the relationship with
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and
co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me
To Be Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is
the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing
process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a
FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or
email her at mailto:email@example.com. Phone
Sessions Available.Article source: http://articlebiz.com
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