Are you feeling frustrated with your relationships? Do you want a loving partner and seem to be unsuccessful in reaching your goal?

If you answered "yes" to either question, you may be sabotaging your efforts. As a Marriage, Family Therapist, I helped many clients, through a process I developed called HART (Holistic And Rapid Transformation), get in touch with their negative, self-defeating thoughts and change them to positive ones. Since beliefs are magnetic, they were then able to attract what they wanted.

The following are 20 unconscious reasons why you may be pushing away the relationship you desire and deserve, an example, and a positive thought to turn the negative belief into a positive one. If you recognize a negative thought is one of yours, then first imagine that you are deleting (erasing) it from your mind, and then say and write the positive thought. Keep repeating the affirmation until it becomes part of your automatic thinking.

1. I will get hurt if I am vulnerable. (Her first boyfriend broke off with her in high school.)

I am being vulnerable and I am safe because I believe that I am okay and lovable no matter what anyone says or does.

2. Men don't like intelligent, successful women. (Her boyfriend rejected her when she was hired in a big company.)

I am attracting men who like intelligent, successful women.

3. I don't deserve a loving relationship. (Her Dad left when she was five-years-old and she felt responsible.)

I am only responsible for myself, I am a good person, and I deserve a loving relationship.

4. Relationships do not fit my self-image. (She saw herself as unlovable because her dad never said he loved her or hugged her.)

I am lovable.

5. I can't be me and be in a relationship. (Her mother told her that she gave up her dreams to be with her father.)

I am in a loving relationship and I am being me.

6. Men don't like me when they get to know me. (She did not like herself and she projected that feeling on others.)

I like myself and men like me.

7. My friends will be jealous. (When she was a teen-ager, her friends rejected her when she became popular.)

I am in a loving relationship and my (true) friends are happy for me.

8. Relationships don't last. (Her parents were divorced.)

I am in a lasting relationship.

9. Men try to control me. (Her brother and father were controlling.)

I am attracting a loving partner who supports me being me.

10. I am not good enough. (No matter what she did to please her mother, it was never enough.)

I am good enough.

11. Men are mean and abusive. (Her father was mean and physically and verbally abusive.)

I am attracting kind, loving men to me.

12. My mother will be jealous of me. (I am afraid that my mother will feel badly if I am happier than she is (or was).)

I am in a loving relationship and my mother is happy.

13. I am unattractive. (Her mother would often criticize her looks.)

I am attractive.

14. I am unimportant. (Her Dad was usually working and he spent very little time with her.)

I am important.

15. Men only want me for my body. (She is very attractive and men seemed to focus on her body.)

I am attracting a man who wants to be with me because he likes and loves who I am.

16. I can't trust men. (Her father had affairs.)

I am attracting a partner I can trust.

17. I feel guilty for leaving my last partner. (She felt she did not deserve a loving relationship.)

I am a good person and I deserve a loving relationship.

18. There is no one out there for me. (She was attracting men that were not suitable for her.)

I am attracting my perfect partner at the perfect time.

19. I am afraid that I will have affairs. (She cheated on her first boyfriend.)

I trust myself to be loyal to my partner.

20. Men want me to be weak and submissive. (Her mother told her that she had to make men feel superior and let them win in sports.)

I am attracting a loving partner who wants me to be his equal.

If you related to any of the negative thoughts, cleared them, and said the positive thought, you probably feel better about relationships and yourself. If you still are not attracting what you want, then write down the following: "I can't or won't be in a loving relationship because____ (and finish the sentence)." Then do the same process as above. You do deserve a loving, healthy relationship. Go for it!