Not today, honey, I have an important meeting tomorrow. How many times have you used this excuse to avoid sex? What’s most likely going through a woman’s head at this moment is what is it that you are going to do at this meeting that you want to save up all your sexual energy for it and can I use this excuse too when I don’t feel like having sex?

Unfortunately such an excuse will not work for women, they are better off sticking to the classic one – I have a headache. Doctors think that men put all of their energy into their sexual life and therefore there is little left for other achievements. Women on the contrary derive their strength from intimacy with their partner. This is why men fall asleep right after having sex and women’s emotions take some time to settle down. The stronger the orgasm the longer the woman feels energized. For men it is actually indeed recommended to practice abstinence if they have an important event coming up such as business meetings, competitions, anything that requires physical or intellectual efforts. And as far as women, they actually receive energy from a rich sexual encounter, so on the eve of an important event women should call on their partners for help.

But what if the loved one is not there with you? In that case you should use anything available, including masturbation. Any bodily pleasures emphasizing body’s sensitivity will work as well. A session of good and quite proper massage can give sexual pleasure since in both cases the whole body is "turned on".

According to Sigmund Freud, the Austrian neurologist and farther of psychoanalysis, sexuality is one of the two main drives or sources of vitality (along with aggression). Freud presumed that our creativity in the areas of work and art or our fantasies represent the restrained and transformed sensuality. He used the term sublimation for this transformation. In simple terms sublimation is when you take desires that can not or should not be fulfilled and turn their energy into something useful and productive. Let’s take sex as an example. It is one of the basic urges that all human beings feel, but we can’t have sex all the time, so we have to sublimate most of our desires for sexual pleasure and turn them into something else like writing a paper for school, doing a project for work, or playing sports. We want things that make us feel good, but in reality we can’t always do those things therefore we have to channel that energy elsewhere. Based on this logic there are stories that exist about outstanding people who achieved their accomplishments because at the time they did not have the intimacy with their spouses. So when a wife does not want to have sex with her husband she can refer to the Freudian theory – "Honey, I have your interests in mind, you need to concentrate".

There is another theory that connects quality sex life and successful career or creative work. Carl Gustav Jung considered sexuality not the source of human energy but one of its various displays. This means that our same inner qualities, aspirations, and ideas can be realized in different areas, either sexual or creative. In other words, if our sex life is active, we become smarter, more attentive and more sensitive in all areas of our life, including our job. In the same way if we restrict our sexual life to a limited number of positions and automatic movements, we weaken our other abilities and lessen our chances for social success.

So should we abstain from sex or be more active? The answer is both. Overall both men and women should have a sexual life that fully satisfies them. Talking about a universally accepted standard for satisfying sexual life is inappropriate. The important thing is you should feel that your needs are met, you have a good relationship with your partner and you give each other a real satisfaction. This is talking on a scale of life overall. If we take a particular small time span such as an hour, a day, or a week that is busy with important things to do, men should abstain from sex to save their energy, and women on the contrary should get sexually charged up.

So is there a risk that if a man abstains from sex he can burn out, that he will have the desire at first and then lose it? Ladies should approach this question more subtle. Imagine that you need to make contact with an unknown animal, the one that is strong, mysterious and unpredictable, and help the man to manage this inner being. Want-and-Can is a capricious animal with a self-willed character. It needs to be taken care of and kept an eye on, otherwise it will disappear and only drop by from time to time thus causing problems. What does it mean to take care of the sexual desire? First of all it means not denying it, but instead recognizing and respecting it. On the other hand it also means not overdoing it with the satisfying of the desire. Similar to not being recommended to gluttonize with food, or stay in the sun for too long, the general energy of life, part of which is a sexual energy, needs time to accumulate, you shouldn’t use it up as soon as it originates. You will get sick of even the most exquisite dish if you eat it three times a day.