Do you remember the Sex and the City episode where Miranda learns that she has Chlamydia? After receiving the results from her STD panel she has the rather arduous task of phoning all her ex-lovers and informing them that she has the silent disease. If, for some unfortunate reason, you find yourself in Miranda’s position here are some easier ways in which you can break the news to your nearest, dearest, and those that you’d rather never speak to again:

Say It Electronically

Don’t have the words? Or simply vowed after a less than amicable break-up that you’d never speak to your ex-partner again? If you have to inform them that your STD panel results have come back positive, and that they may need to be treated for an STD, you can do it by e-card. The inSpot website allows users to select from a variety of designs and messages, some serious and some a little on the flirtatious side. Although quite how flirtatious you can be when informing someone that they need to take an STD panel is another matter. Each card has a space for personalisation, so that you can add your own message, and you can choose whether you wish to remain anonymous or not. This method may be quick and easy, but is it really that effective? Sending an anonymous e-card is just a small step up from saying nothing at all. There is a risk that very few people will believe a flirtatious e-card and if this is the case then they certainly won’t book themselves in for an STD panel.

Pick Up the Phone

Compose a list of everyone you’ve slept with between receiving your STD panel results and your last negative STD test. Pour yourself a stiff drink and pick up the phone. We won’t lie, it won’t be a pleasant experience, but at least those you inform are more likely to take action. Choosing the right words is the hardest part of this exercise, but make sure that you are prepared with the facts, as not everyone will know everything about the particular STD you have. In this situation, it is best to remain calm and not rise to the bait. Picking up the phone shows your partners that you and both responsible and reliable. However, if you really can’t face the music, most clinics offering the STD panel also offer a service in which they’ll inform your previous partners for you. If you’d rather stay anonymous then this service is ideal as your name doesn’t need to be mentioned.

Tell Jerry

So you’ve tested positive for something on your STD panel and you really don’t care who finds out about it. Why not let your loved one know on the Jerry Springer show? The show might not have the discretion of an anonymous phone call from the STD panel, but you can guarantee that all your ex-partners will find out about it and it’s the perfect opportunity to raise your profile and show them what they’ve been missing.