The mistress, you can’t hate her enough. If you can skin and burn her alive, you know you would. You can’t help but be overwhelmed with anger.

But stop, pause and ask yourself- is all that hatred and anger worth it? "When a wife gets into all kinds of trouble to get even, she is only acknowledging the mistress’ role. The mistress feels recognized, accepted. It’s kind of twisted when you think about it, but a mistress feels fulfilled in some way when a wife confronts her. The moment you face her, she feels triumphant…" says a Sandra, a former mistress. "Never exhaust your energy on the mistress you are only wasting it…" she continues.

Sandra tells all…

"I was a mistress for three years, until I got really hurt.

At first, I was in it for the fun and excitement. I was really attracted to him. I knew he was married for 10 years, but he said it was shaky and he was not happy anymore. During that time I really felt sorry for him for being trapped in a lousy marriage. When we were together I can see that he was having a time of his life. As time went by he told me that his wife was starting to suspect and that we should lay low for a while. We saw each other under his terms… only when ‘it’s safe.’ Believe me, it was really frustrating.

I felt used. This is just one of the thousands of disappointment I had to endure.

When you are a mistress you:

• Can’t go out on public with him.

• Can’t be with him during holidays.

• Can’t help feeling jealous when he dates his wife.

• Have to get used to broken promises.

• Can’t help feeling used when he leaves you and go home to his wife.

• Can get tired of the sneaking and fear of getting caught.

• Can’t totally trust him.

• You can’t call on him but he can call on you anytime he wants.

• You are the first one to go when finances are tight.

Somehow I learned to cope with this. But what really broke me into pieces was when he sent me a text message telling me that his wife knew. ‘I can’t see you anymore. I’m really, really sorry. My wife is going to file for divorce when we continue to see each other. I can’t afford that to happen. I am really sorry. Goodbye. Please don’t reply.’ This was his exact mobile message.

I was so pissed off that I called his house asked for his wife and spilled everything about the affair. But I was stunned and shut to silence when the wife laughed and answered. ‘I’m sorry, dear. I have a husband and children to take care of. Have a nice day …’ she put the phone down and never heard from them again. I never felt disgusted in my whole life.

If you are attracted to a married man- forget about it! If you are planning to have an affair- don’t! If you are in an affair- get out now! You will always be disposable. Value your life- find a good man. Never allow yourself to get used. If you are in an affair now, don’t think that your relationship is anything special, because in the end you still end up alone… and relationships are not supposed to be that way."