Some readers may be confused about how they end up fighting a restraining order during divorce proceedings, because they aren't aware of the various options available to a manipulative ex. It's a good idea to know what your ex might be planning as part of her divorce maneuvers, such as options involving restraining orders, so you can be prepared with counter-moves.

Option #1: Fighting A Restraining Order Regardless Of The Divorce

This option involves your ex filing a phony restraining order against you so that she gets immediate custody of children, has the option to request higher maintenance payments, and causes trouble at customs or with your employer. It is filed as a separate procedure to the divorce and follows the standard process:

1. She attends an "ex parte" hearing without your knowledge;

2. The temporary order is usually granted as the judge errs on the side of caution;

3. You are served papers notifying you of the order (firearms confiscated, etc.);

4. A formal hearing is set for both parties to attend within the month where you can defend yourself against it becoming a permanent restraining order.

This option carries a risk to your ex, because if she can't convince the judge at the second hearing that she really is being threatened and/or harassed, the case will be thrown out.

Option #2: Fighting A Restraining Order Within Divorce Proceedings

This involves the temporary "ex parte" restraining order being granted against you, but the allegations are taken as part of the divorce discussions. The second formal hearing where you would defend your case (point 4 in the list above) is deferred to a later date. This can be as much as a couple of months from the temporary order being granted.

In other words, the pain, hassle and embarrassment from the order is greatly extended. That's why this is a popular option in divorce cases where an ex wants her husband to be fighting a restraining order.

Option #3: Not Fighting A "Restraining Order" Per Se - No Contact Agreements

This is an agreement between you and your ex which is filed by the court as part of the "DR case" (family case). You need to be aware that it isn't just some sort of "gentleman's agreement", it's a binding contract that you sign. Violation of these agreements result in jail time - specifically, up to six months behind bars. However, once the agreement is approved by the court, you are no longer fighting a restraining order, which is why so many fathers agree to them during a custody battle. The order marked against your name with criminal agencies will be removed entirely.

A No Contact Agreement is usually duel-sided, but they can be made to apply to one party only. Its restrictions are quite flexible, but typically include a location restriction (e.g. agreeing to not come within 500 yards of each other, each other's workplace or schools) and communications restrictions (e.g. no communication by email, text message, telephone, social networking websites). Where unconscious violation of these restrictions occurs, there is a certain leeway regarding penalty enforcement. Let's look at an example:

You purchase tickets at a cinema desk to go see a movie with your son, whom you picked up from his grandma's (a neutral location at a pre-arranged time). You see your ex ahead of you in the screen as you walk in, with her new partner. You have to leave immediately when you realise this. If you do, there is no issue - but if you don't, that's a direct violation of the No Contact Agreement.

Violations of the agreements are dealt with lightly at first, but repeat offenses carry the maximum six month jail term. Say you're fighting a restraining order and your ex gets immediate access to your kids; to get around this you agree to a No Contact Agreement; you violate the agreement once. Your ex will file a citation against you and you'll have to attend a court to explain to the judge what happened. He or she may send you to anger management classes or punish you with unpaid community work. Another incident may buy you some jail time, but any further violations will mean you're looking at a much stiffer penalty than you'd thought. The judge will often make you pay for your ex's legal fees to bring the citation to court as well.