If you find yourself fighting a restraining order as part of sly divorce tactics by your ex, it's usually because a lawyer has been telling her how to win a custody battle as fast as possible.

Unfortunately for you, false allegations of abuse - created with the sole intention of swiftly obtaining child custody and higher maintenance payments - aren't very straightforward to dismiss.

This article has been written so that you undertake three critical steps when you're fighting a restraining order, so you have the best chance to win back your right to see your kids grow up.

#1 Don't Break The Order

If you are fighting an order and you break its terms, it's a criminal offense. Despite the original order against you being considered a civil case, if you contact your ex, you will usually be arrested.

For example, sending flowers, or calling to wish your son a happy birthday will normally be considered criminal violations of the restraining order.

Don't worry, despite judges erring on the side of caution when it comes to granting restraining orders, there is common sense when the police deal with whether to arrest you. If you are in the supermarket, and you bump into your ex, and move to speak to her, you may be arrested. But if you see her, try to walk out immediately, and she starts to hurl abuse whilst blocking your path and calling the police on her cellphone, they may ask witnesses around the store; as long as you acted within the order terms by trying to leave immediately, you should be fine.

#2 Actively Learn About The Restraining Order Process

You need to learn about what to expect whilst you're fighting an order, so that you can be two steps ahead of your ex. If she's willing to file a false restraining order based on phony abuse allegations, you can be she has more tactics up her sleeve.

For example, you should be aware of the type of restraining order against you. The initial restraining order is often referred to as an "ex parte" temporary order because it was granted at an "ex parte" hearing without your attendance; this turns into a permanent restraining order only at a second court hearing a few weeks later, where you are given the chance to defend yourself. If you know the process involved, you'll be prepared for it, and the possibility that you get to see your children again is massively increased.

Another example is that you should be aware of the implications of fighting a restraining order against your name. These things show up on the National Crime Information Center registry (NCIC), which means that any time someone runs a background check on you, you'll have a marker against your name. This can cause huge delays at customs in airports, for example.

The moment I won my custody battle (and had the restraining order rescinded), tonnes of extra checks disappeared overnight when I took my next monthly business trip. They always told me the extra checks were random, and wouldn't give any detail, but being pulled for extra luggage inspection every month without fail for three years, and then nothing in the next five, tell me that officials pay more attention to restraining orders at customs than they'll admit.

#3 Get Good Help, Now

I know I needed a better lawyer when I had to remind mine of my oldest son's name several times. One of those occasions was just two days after our meeting to discuss how to negotiate his declining behavior at school with my ex when it came to visiting the school.

If you get warning signals like that from your lawyer, you need to take control of the case and fire him now. Either start learning the legal process in as much detail as you can, perhaps with the help of guides and charities who specialise in this stuff, or get a good recommended lawyer who deals with these cases every day of the week.

Losing the chance to see your kids grow up is too precious to leave to chance - take control of it now.