Arguments are the main part of relationships. There is no way of avoiding them. It is impossible to see eye to eye on every topic and discussion, and a difference of opinion can lead to a debate, and possibly and argument. This is a healthy part of relationships, allowing couples to express their feelings and opinions. After a healthy argument or debate both people may feel better that they have said what was on their mind and they have reached a compromise or negotiation.

The problem begins when an argument escalates into a full blown fight. Fighting usually occurs when one person has become upset. We become upset for many reasons during an argument. Perhaps our feelings were hurt by something that was said, perhaps we feel we are not being heard, or possibly we feel our feelings are not being validated. Once this happens we feel we need to hurt the other person in turn, or get revenge for the way they made us feel.

Eventually we get over these fights and the hurt feelings they caused, but are usually left with the aftermath of bitterness and a lack of trust. Often times this leads to problems with emotional intimacy. You or your partner may feel that sharing your feelings with each other will only give them a weapon to use against you. You hide behind a wall of anger so as not to admit your true feelings of pain, despair, or disappointment. You may eventually lose your sense of connection and closeness with your partner.

Avoiding this downward spiral of hurt and anguish sounds easy, but applying it may be difficult. It can be a constant battle to keep arguments on the right track. You may find yourselves taking steps backward, but as long as you continue to strive for improvement, you will see results. Don't expect your partner to improve, at least not overnight. The only person you can control is yourself. However you may find that by taking small steps towards improvement will inspire your partner to do the same.

Here are a few tips on how to avoid couple’ fights:

When you are asked what's wrong, don't say "nothing!". Answer the question open and honestly. If you aren't in the mood to talk or really aren't sure why you're upset at the time, you can just tell your partner you don't want to talk just yet, but that you will tell them when you are ready.

Men are expected to know exactly what we want and when, and we become disappointed when they don't deliver. It may seem to be against our nature, but if you ask for what you want, you'll probably get it. Not asking will lead to a fight and then nobody is happy.

Never bring up old issues during a current argument. If you are still hurt about a past issue, find a calm time to discuss those feelings.

Stick to the topic. This also goes along with not bringing up old issues. If you're fighting about why your spouse was out late with friends, this is not the time to bring up the fact that your spouse also spent too much money without consulting you. This will only escalate the argument.

Never resort to name calling. As tempting as it may seem, you must resist the urge.

Avoid placing blame on your spouse . Start all statements with "I feel..." This way your spouse won't feel like you are attacking them, so they won't get defensive or strike back.

Listen when your partner is talking. Let them know you are listening. Use eye contact. Don't interrupt. Once they have finished speaking, reply to what they said, and don’t just start in with your feelings. Never tell your partner their feelings are wrong. Instead say something like "I'm sorry that made you feel that way, what I really meant by it was..."

It is also important to remember that sometimes people are just going to be mad. You may have discussed the issue and forgiven your partner but still feel angry or hurt over it. You may just need more time to feel better, and that's okay. Understand that occasionally your partner may feel that way as well.

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