The F-bomb is an important part of an anger management class? Isn't that what got you in trouble in the first place?

Using the F-bomb that you are thinking of comes easy to most of us who struggle with anger. But there is another kind of F-bomb that most of us have a much harder time using - forgiveness.

When I first raise that idea with most people in my anger management classes, they look at me like I'm out of my f-bombing mind. But that’s because most people misunderstand the purpose of forgiveness, thinking that it shows weakness or that you have to forget what happened that made you angry in the first place.

Forgiveness is just about acknowledging that someone did something wrong to you and that you deserve better. It’s also about setting you free from all the stress you carry around with you by holding all those grudges.

"How's that?" you might ask. Well, many of us think of anger as a way of keeping the one who did them wrong in a kind of emotional prison. As long as they hold onto the anger and bitterness, the other person stays in jail. But when you really stop and think about it, the only one who is really in an emotional prison is you. Usually the person you are angry with is either unaware, doesn’t care or simply don’t give it as much thought as you. In the meantime, you're obsessing yourself into a nice steady simmer over what was done to you. The person who angered you is on vacation and you are the one in prison! Your anger management problem ends up affecting you more than the one who hurt you. Is it just me or is there something wrong with this picture?

An anger management class should help you to understand that forgiveness is the key to unlocking the prison door. There is not some automatic "click" that sets you free. You must choose to walk out of that cell. Some have lived with the label of "angry victim" for so long that it’s become part of them. They’d rather live in the cell because at least they know what to expect there. Forgiveness frees you from all that pent up anger. It’s one of the strongest cures an anger management class can offer.