In a marriage, sex is an important way for couples to express their love. Great sex helps to relieve stress and is a way for married couple to get emotionally connected to one another. But great sex does not always happen. How do you regain the passion in your relationship when you feel it is slipping away?

Here is how:

(1) Injecting a little element of surprise

When comes to marriage, too much familiarity can breed contempt. Novelty is normally sexually interesting to most people. If you are a surprise person, asking your partner to surprise you. If you are a predictable person to the extent that your partner can easily expect what is going to happen next when you start doing anything, making some changes in there, can help to inject a little bit of thrill in your relationship. For example, surprise her with a passionate kiss when she is preparing meal in the kitchen can add more zest to your marriage life.

(2) Give space for each other

Though marriage requires both to spend time for each other, this does not mean you have to stick to each other all the time like chewing gum. Too much togetherness can stifle desire in marriage. Esther Perel, a licensed marriage and family therapist cautions," Do not call each other 10 times a day and do not ask each other about every little thing. These questions can turn intimacy into surveillance."

To be married does not mean you have to totally forgo your own personality. You can still pursue your individual interests/hobbies and schedule time to meet friends and other relatives. You have to remember it is that interesting aspect of your personality before marriage that attracts you to him or her. Temporary separateness fosters connection. The space that allows both to engage in their own activities can allow couples to have something new or interesting to share with each other when they are together.

(3) Allow yourself to be vulnerable

When we consciously commit to boost marital intimacy through transparent and open communication, we run the risk of being hurt. C.S. Lewis, a well-known novelist, put it this way," To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. Yet to refuse to love is the greatest of all human tragedies." You have to be willing to let your guard down to the one you love to achieve a deeper level of intimacy.

When you get angry or disappointed over your spouse’s failure to meet your needs, try to understand where he or she is coming from. This is easier written than done. A better way is to find an objective 3rd party such as professional counselors to help you to break down your differences to better understand each other’s point of view. If you feel like you need professional help to communicate better, you should act as soon as possible instead of letting your bottled anger to erode your relationship.

(4) Create a plan to discuss difficult topics

Marriage can get ugly and sometimes you have to talk about difficult subjects. Baladerian, a marriage counselor, suggests prefacing conversations about tough issues with something like the following:" I have something to say, but it is scary because I am afraid you are going to get upset. But I hope you will be proud of me for telling you."

(5) Set aside time for sex

You may find this very unromantic and feel that I am contradicting with what I said earlier about the need to inject some surprise elements in your marriage. You may recall those sweet memories about the days of spontaneity that you enjoyed when your relationship was young that you could make love at odd hours in the least likely places. But if you have young children, two careers and the usual laundry list of responsibilities, you may get too emotionally drained and exhausted to be able to afford this "luxury of spontaneity" in your lovemaking. There is nothing wrong with scheduling for sex. Thinking about it before it happens may get you in the mood just as thinking about what you are going to eat before you go to your favorite restaurant can excite your appetite.

(6) Rediscover and explore what turns your partner on

Do not assume you totally know the woman you have been together for even after more than 18 years. Weston, a marriage counselor, discovers that people often do not know what creates sexual arousal in their long-term partner. She says," I try to lay out couples’ idiosyncrasies – what works for them or what used to work for them when they were younger and first dating. There is often a moment of revelation:’ I always thought you like that!’ or, ‘I always thought you hate that!’ This is often based on something the other person said 18 years ago and this does not necessary remain the same 18 years later. They close off one portion of sexual experimentation or behavior because of one long-held outdated assumption."