A letter to women

Dear Woman,

You are phenomenal, intelligent, unique, smart, and Special. You possess a potential, that the world is waiting for you to unleash. You were not born into this world to exist. Each of us has a role to play in this world. Many ladies think they are living their best life right now, but the truth is many of you are settling for less. If you look closely at your life, you will find out that you are living less compared to the greatness that is there inside of you. You can still push yourself to become the woman you want to be.

A few months ago, my childhood friend called me on the phone. She always loved to because she felt comfortable expressing her feelings to me. She always complained about the bias and chauvinism treatment meted out to women. Many times, I am glad she is comfortable confiding in me, always wanting to hear my opinion regarding things that occurred in her life and how speaking to me about them became a means of catharsis to her. It wasn’t that way before. For a few years, we attended the same primary school and also junior secondary before I relocated. At that time, we were also in the same class. Honestly, as of then, we were only friends when things were moving smoothly, and we became foes when things were not. This was because we were rivals. We both strived to be the first of the class, just the two of us. Honestly, she is one of the real friends I had. When she called me on the phone that day, I could feel so much exhilaration from her voice. When we are on a call, if we are not talking about the innumerable inequity that happened to women, the prejudice, and the disdain, we will be talking about our classmates, those who finally got married, and those who at least managed to get into the university. And how most girls are now becoming aware of their rights, or it will be about our dear head boy who insisted he wanted to study nursing despite the jeer he faced in his class by his female classmates because of the notion that nursing should be for girls. This time it was not the usual kind of conversation that we usually have. It was more of gratitude and appreciation for having the privilege of what was supposed to be her right. She said;

Olivia, I can’t imagine how close I am to becoming a nurse. I am so happy"

When she said that, I wanted to interrupt and tell her that I am happy for her too. But she didn’t allow me to.

Do you know I also volunteered to work for an NGO? She continued, I feel so fulfilled.

At that moment, I felt joy in my heart, the happiness that comes from finally achieving that which you had always wanted to achieve. Your heart is content and blissful. Just like lavender, very enthralling yet filled with tranquillity. You might not apprehend it. You don’t know what it means to have the right to go to school without any interruption from a sect. Or without being constantly reminded that Westernization corrupts religion and hence the need to avoid going to school, most especially for the girls. I have seen ladies who decided they don’t have the strength for stress, so marriage became their escape route. A few years later, they will still be the same person who will complain that marriage is stressful.

Here is what I have to say about women understanding their purpose. Your purpose is your number one assignment, every other thing comes secondary. In as much as being a wife and a mother is a sacred duty. It is beautiful to find a partner who is your friend, supporter, and lover. It is nice to have kids running around at home, tugging your shirt when you carry them as toddlers, and calling you mummy. Bear it in mind that,  just like the way you gave birth to your kids and there is this hope that your kids will do better than you and achieve great things. In that same way, someone also gave birth to you. You will be doing yourself wrong, and you will be doing posterity wrong if you don't fight to achieve the purpose you were born for.

I have seen women who have shown a lot of light and charisma. Some of them were in secondary school and some a little older. Many of whom I have always admired and without any birth chart know that they were destined for great things and will do great things. Unexpectedly, I began to see wedding pictures. At first, I was happy for them. In life you do what makes you happy of course. Not until two years or a few years down the line. It is as if their light starts to dwindle just like flowers during harmattan, their radiance wades off and they appear empty. Like a few years back, they weren’t the same bright, bold, and intelligent ladies I had admired and learned a few things from. The projects they had wanted to execute, the dreams they had, all become dead. Whenever it happens, my heart bleeds, and my heart has bled many times because it has occurred several times, and it is still happening. I began to ask myself what changed, what went wrong? And the answers became obvious. Nobody is to be blamed except for us because we allow those things to happen to us when we should be in charge of our lives. In as much as things happen, it can be circumstances and the situations revolving around us. But you are wrong to believe that you are helpless. You can still find a way to bring those dreams back to life, to make them come to reality, despite the obstacles holding you back. It is never too late, no time is. Even at 40, 50 it is not late. The slightest atomic pursuit of dreams could make an impact, in areas you never knew could.

Dear women, once your daughter is born. Begin to tell her that there is no glass ceiling over her. Start telling her that there are no limits to what she can achieve. When she hears negative things from school or other people, immediately you become aware of it, make sure you counter it, fight it immediately. It is enough that you grew up being aware that countless factors prevented you from achieving your dreams, yet the same thing is about to happen to your daughters, and you kept quiet about it. It will be a shame. Never allow them to succumb to it as you did. Tell them that they should not expect anything from anyone, that way it will give them the propelling force to get things done themselves. You might say I am angry, and I seem aggressive about this. Yes, I am displeased. A lot of fire in women was put off and must revitalize.

Don’t let negativity sink into them for too long. Children take words too seriously. That is why whenever you promise to buy something for that child, they will keep reminding you.

‘Mummy remember you promised to buy shoes for me, you still haven’t bought them.

It is only when that child grows into adulthood, that they accept the reality that certain things prevent promises from occurring. As a result, not all promises are kept. But as children, those words you say or words people tell them still linger. That is why when you see them believing negative things about themselves, make sure you fight it. Instead of negativity, let positivity engulf them. When a girl starts transitioning into adulthood, she begins to fight a lot within her. It can be low self-esteem, becoming a people pleaser, fighting distractions, negativity, societal norms, etc. Helping and equipping that child at a tender age, will help to abate workload for her. When you groom a child in a certain way, that girl will grow to be confident and a zealous woman. And like fire set on a hill, she will ignite the whole world with it. When we do this, we begin to break this chain for our daughters. Then in the future, when we are not there with them, we will be rest assured that we have raised warriors.

Finally, decide to act beyond your apparent limitations. Break all those walls that are holding you back. One decision you make today can change things for you. Become intentional about your growth. In whatever you do in life, always keep your feet on the ground, don’t get distracted. Believe in yourself. You are a great woman.

Yours truly

Olivia Ezeani