Any time you interact with another person, whether in business or from an interpersonal standpoint, even the clerk at the department store, there is a relationship there. It may be totally casual because you will likely never see that person again, or it may be a relationship that you wish to continue, such as a first date with someone, or even the maintenance of the relationship that you have with your spouse.

Have you ever given any thought to how that relationship is perceived by others? In both business and general life, you would probably be very surprised to find out how you come across to other people. Many people come across as pessimistic or negative without even realizing it. Others come across as being very brass or controlling without meaning to. It is very difficult to tell where another person is coming from, since many people present themselves in a relationship as something other than they are, whether they mean to or not.

Whether we want to believe it or not, most people have a relationship with other that is based on how they think others EXPECT them to be. You don’t agree? Think about it, examine many of your relationships, and then ask yourself if you are not that way in reality. It is very likely almost totally subconscious but it is nonetheless a fact of life.

However, as you look deeper at this particular aspect, you can begin to see how some people do not have a good relationship. You know the type, where your hair stands on end the minute you see THAT person walk into a room. Most times this is simply dismissed as “there is no chemistry there” but it is more than that. That person does not act as you expect them to, you do not behave as they expect you to, and you both realize this and therefore there is conflict, dislike, and many times even a lack of respect or trust.

Studies have shown that this also applies to marital relationships. Yes, a marriage is a relationship. It is also a partnership, although in the world today, the “partnership” aspect is not nearly as prevalent as it was when the couple was standing at the altar.

One thing that needs to be considered in relationships is the aspect of change. People change over time as a result of life experiences, both good and bad, as well as various other influences in their lives, such as job pressures, job changes, family crisis, and a wide variety of other things. Change is to be expected in any relationship, but in the martial relationship, both parties need to change in approximately the same way and in approximately the same direction. Far too often, this does not happen. The couples find, after a period of years, that they have gone down different paths as they live together, and at some point their paths have diverged too far apart to ever realistically expect that they can come back together. This leads to tension in the relationship because neither can any longer learn to EXPECT how the other will behave or react. Typically this can lead to one partner acquiring a controlling nature, because they want to go back to the day when they knew what to expect of their partner, and by exerting control, sometimes coupled with verbal abuse, they are attempting to go back to that place of relationship comfort.

In summary, effective and frequent communication is a basic foundation and key to a meaningful and long lasting relationship. In any effective relationship, that does not mean that two people need to agree on everything, but it does mean that they communicate frequently enough to consistently be “on the same page” and to respect the differing opinion of the other.