Question:

1. I have a sixteen year old and a ten year old. They are asking questions about sex and AIDS. How should I answer without overwhelming them?

Answer:

If you are like many parents, you are wrestling with how to best discuss sexuality with your children. These days, pregnancy rates have been found to be quite high among seventh and eighth graders, so don’t wait for your kids to be teenagers before speaking up. They need you to educate them before they get themselves into trouble, not afterwards. This article is written to give you ideas about how to make these discussions easier on yourself and your children.

For starters, don’t wait until your children are pubescent. Start talking about sexuality as soon as you can, in small but casual ways. You can base your answers at a level they will understand, but use the right terms for body parts. Avoid calling a vagina something silly like a "woo-woo," or a penis a "pecker." A vagina is a vagina and a penis is a penis. People have "intercourse" and "sex" and not playing "house" or "Tarzan and Jane." If your kid gets laughed at or avoids discussing anatomy with their peers because they don’t have the right terms, they will be at a deficit.

Teaching your kids about sexuality and preparing them to fully enjoy their sexuality as independent, free-willed individuals is a critical aspect of parenting. Help them think through challenging situations with their peers, or when alone with a romantic interest, far away from adult supervision (it happens more than parents like to believe). Kids need to have parents walk through possible scenarios, like standing at the doorway and not knowing what to say or do. Or agreeing to kiss someone, and suddenly finding their body reacts and they don’t know how to stop the other person’s hand from roaming. Kids need to have practiced a strategy in their mind for dealing with these situations and many more.

Talk about sexual situations along with other challenging topics, like what they will do when they haven’t studied for a test and they can clearly see their neighbor’s answers in the testing situation; or perhaps what they will do when someone offers them a cigarette; or asks to take them for a drive alone; or offers them a beer, joint, or other street drug. Kids of all ages do best at keeping themselves out of trouble when they know how to think about situations well in advance of when they are faced with them.

Next, your kids will do best if they know what body parts are called. Knowledge is power. With the proper terms, kids can look things up online and educate themselves. Or they can engage in conversations with their peers and not sound ridiculous. Get a book or go online and search for Google terms like "genitalia" or "human reproductive anatomy" and educate yourself if you aren’t sure of the facts yourself anymore.

There is no need to feel awkward about this. You may never have had "health class" or perhaps that class was a few decades ago, and your memory has faded.

Third, be casual. Don’t make talking about sex a special, solemn occasion. Many kids find it easier to talk about such topics if they're occupied doing everyday tasks such as cooking, washing the car or walking the dog while having these conversations with you.

Bring different topics up when watching television is a particularly good setting, because television provides ample opportunity for a wide variety of perspectives about sexuality. For instance, while watching CSI or Grey’s Anatomy, feel free to comment about sexual scenes in an adult manner, like, "Wow! That certainly would never have made it to TV when I was a kid. We never say anything about homosexuality anywhere. E didn’t even have health class. What are you guys talking about in that class these days, anyway?

Or, "Do you guys talk about homosexuality in school at all? Does your teacher have anything interesting to say about safer sex?" etc. The point is to make it a part of everyday life, so that your kids will feel comfortable talking with you about it when they need reliable information.

2. Are there any resources available about the subject that I can use?

Yes. The Centers for Disease Control (800-342-AIDS, or for a Spanish version 800-344-SIDA; for the hearing impaired 800-AIDS-TTY) gives away special pamphlets discussing these topics. You might also want to visit your local county health department, your local library, your local school district, or your church. Videos, books, pamphlets and sex education classes for teens are readily available in most communities. It is best to get all the information you can and share it with your kids.

Their lives might depend on it.

3. Are all materials about sex good for my children?

Don't forget to go over the magazines and pamphlets before you give it to your children. Different sources offer different approaches, based on different values. Some can be graphic and visual on how to use a condom and some may suggest the usage of condom for safe sex.