Sometimes sexual fantasies about someone other than our partner catch up to us in bed. Sometimes it is another woman, several people, someone you know, or something else that is definitely unacceptable for a decent woman… What does that mean and is it time to go see a psychiatrist?! Here is some information from sexologists that should calm you down.

Let’s refer to the facts. I’m not quite sure how you can research something so intangible but scientists have calculated that sexual fantasies happen to 60% of women. When it comes to men there are different numbers ranging from 35% to 76%. It usually happens during masturbation or even sexual intercourse, especially if you are not too close to the partner or are not in love. Then our imagination offers a more appealing image.

So does that mean that fantasies appear where there is no love? Not necessarily. Perhaps we shouldn’t even look for such a pattern, these two things are not even that related. Let’s look at the purpose of the fantasies rather than the reason why they happen. Why do they appear, what do they bring with them, how do they change our condition? They help us get aroused, concentrate on the sex, get us into the mood appropriate for the love making. A fantasy that started in your imagination gets carried on into reality. It’s as if you create a present for your partner this way, you bring something from your inner world into the context of your relationship.

As far as love goes, wouldn’t you agree that since a person is trying to get aroused with the help of certain techniques then it means he or she wants to have sex with their partner and is ready to put in some effort into it? We are not always in a good physical and emotional shape therefore the arousal can get delayed even if it is a person you have deep feelings for. So fantasies can serve as an instrument to help you be ready and do not contradict our relationship but instead help maintain it.

It is believed that thinking about someone while having sex with another person is almost equal to cheating. Let’s not be so hasty. Do not confuse fantasies with reality. Otherwise be ready to, for example, get detained by the supermarket’s security for dreaming about a pastry that has not been paid for at the register yet. Besides even thoughts about a real person are still partially fantasies. We can not get into another person’s soul and always try to guess what our partner thinks or feels by putting ourselves into their place. Therefore sexual relationships are the area for fantasies, speculations and dreams. The thin substance of illusion protects us from the roughness of the real world. A person in love sees their partner as more attractive and magnetic without noticing their shortcomings. Sometimes feeding the fantasy can be vitally important for the relationship, for example, in order to get aroused when you see your spouse of 20 years. Or also to understand what is it that you actually want at this moment and let your partner know, direct their actions. Or to expand your sexual repertoire, or knowledge. First you play something in your imagination, try it on, think of how you could implement it and only then practice it in reality. Everything a person gained in the world of fantasy and imagination he or she can transfer into real sexual life. When both people do it you get double gain, double variety, and of course double pleasure! When the fantasies of the partners are missing or are poor and unvaried, they simply don’t have anywhere to draw their inspiration from, and as a result sex comes to naught.

The research confirms that happy couples have mutual world of fantasies, meaning that both of them fantasize separately but if you compare their plots later they turn out to be similar and intertwined. Thus emotional unity and closeness in a relationship overall are expressed in the area of imagination.

Of course it happens that a person is not satisfied with something in their sexual life and he or she is trying to compensate this discontent with the help of fantasies. Sometimes a person is trying to block the real partner out with the help of illusion if you are fighting and are not close, at least at the moment. Then it is all the more reason to give free rein to your imagination. Since for some reason you decided to have sex with that specific person at that specific time, you have the right to make sure you feel good, and then sexual fantasies is an ideal instrument to adopt to the current circumstances.

So are there certain fantasies that are not only indecent but are insane? If you think about it is love really that sane? If you have any fantasies popping into your head then you are a mentally healthy person.

Now, there is a difference between the content of the fantasies and the fact that they even appear at all. Fantasies appear to help us get aroused and get pleasure. As far as what causes fantasies to happen and what specific images and plots stimulate your desires is an interesting subject for research in a broader context of life. For example, if a fantasy is related to exhibitionism (displaying yourself naked to other people) then it can be assumed that you would like to display to other people something you are proud of or maybe something you are hiding for the time being. This can be some kind of idea or secret that has no relation to sexual area and is only displaying itself in a sexual context.

There can be no moral judgment when it comes to bodily issues. Is it pleasurable for you or your partner? If it is, then good. There is no law that forbids us to seek after pleasure. And fantasy is the safest, lawful and harmless to you and others way to gain this pleasure.