The most disturbing, and perhaps the most heart-breaking, news you can ever receive is your spouse’s involvement with someone else. You feel angry and betrayed with a deep sense of emptiness. You’re so devastated and you want to confront him/her, but you’re trying so hard to restrain yourself for fear you may wind up saying or doing something you might regret later on. You’re in a state of confusion and you want answers. Your chest is tightening from the emotional pain and you feel your head is about to burst due to an endless number of questions circulating through your mind.

When your partner decides to go astray from the relationship, it poses a serious threat to the marriage. In fact, this is one of the major reasons why divorce is prevalent in this day and age. However, when you’re faced with this problem, you have to ask yourself why your husband/wife ended up cheating in the first place. There’s absolutely no excuse for infidelity, but many reasons why extramarital affairs are widespread in recent times. The unfaithful spouse develops feelings of loneliness and negligence. Some husbands complain of their nagging wives who fail to listen or pay attention to them. Some wives feel trapped and desire for some form of emotional escape from the responsibilities and pressures associated with the relationship. Some are bored and want to restore the excitement that had vanished from the marriage. Regardless of the reason, people resort to cheating when they experience unhappiness and a missing void in their marriage.

After careful analysis of the situation, you have to decide what you want to gain out of the relationship and how you would like to proceed. Revenge is definitely not the answer. Cursing your spouse and calling him/her every name in the book is also counterproductive. Demanding for a divorce can be premature and drastic. So, what do you do?

• Inform your partner that you’re aware of the situation, but you need to take some time to digest all this before you hold a serious discussion on the matter. You’re probably thinking this is not a good idea because he/she will have some time to conjure up more excuses and ammunition. Actually, you both will need the time to reflect on the marriage, what gave rise to the cheating, and everything that went wrong. So, take a vacation, visit a friend or family member, etc.

• Once you’ve had a nice break to compose yourself, have a good, long chat with your spouse. This is the part where you do most of the listening rather than insulting him/her or insisting your right of way. Determine the reasons why your partner strayed and felt the need to emotionally detach himself/herself from you and form a connection with someone else. The truth hurts, but you need to get the facts to avoid future repeats of the mistakes from your end.

If you ever find yourself entangled in a web of deceit initiated by your spouse, try to look at the big picture before you come up with a thousand ways to get even. Don’t allow the feelings of anguish and betrayal dominate you. Instead, take a step back, reevaluate the situation, and prepare yourself for the "big talk". The last thing you want to do is seek revenge or yell at your partner until he/she’s blue in the face. The better approach is to select a time and place for a healthy, effective communication.