It’s funny that people who are committing emotional affair are actually unaware that they are guilty. Last night, I had dinner with two of my friends who bombarded me with justifications and excuses about it. "Ruth, how can you say that?! How can I tell my husband about my problem when he is the problem? I just run to this good friend of mine to ask for a male point of view!" one of my good friends says defensively.

I answered, "Just read my blog tomorrow so that I don’t have to repeat myself and share what’s the real deal with emotional affair to others and importantly save myself unnecessary energy on arguments with you guys." So here goes, setting the record straight, you are having an emotional affair if you keep this friend as a secret to your spouse or lover.

If he’s a friend, an honest to goodness friend there is no reason to keep him from your partner. Another fact if you are guilty is you cannot tell your spouse the things that you tell your "friend". If you are having problems with your partner, find a way to communicate.

It’s normal and rational to ask for advice from a friend for a solution but you have to tell your spouse too about the problem. You are not being fair if you have issues with your partner and not tell him about it. Sharing your frustrations and dilemmas to the person concerned may be difficult but this will harness your communication with each other.

And we all know that communication is the one that really seals a relationship. Practice the trial and error of communication. Try different approaches if the previous one did not work. Doing this will help you know yourself and your partner more. Communication is very essential in a relationship and having an emotional affair inhibits it to prosper no matter how you see it.

Justifying your actions doesn’t change the fact that you are sharing a very vital aspect in you that should be shared with your partner instead- and that is your emotions. That is why, emotional affair is actually more threatening that your casual sexual affair. Sexual affair doesn’t usually last but emotional affair can last for years and years.

This is because you have allowed yourself to develop a bond or a connection with your "friend". Furthermore, here are other signs of emotional affair. You constantly find yourself saying "we’re just friends!" this means that people are starting to notice both of you and begin to ask questions. Another sign is that you anticipate talking to your "friend" more than your spouse.

You can’t wait to tell him about your day. You sometimes find yourself day dreaming or thinking about your "friend." Another sign that you are guilty of emotional affair is that you truly believe that your "friend" understand you more than your partner. I hope that you take note of the stuff mentioned above and if you think that you are guilty then decide.

It really helps knowing what it is that you want in life is. Recovering from emotional affair is really, really hard. So if you think that you are going there or almost there, think and think hard if it’s really worth it. Remember, a friend should complement your partner not replace it.