Marriage Self Help, The Only Real Marriage Counseling

Marriage self help is a very old concept. In olden times people were usually too ashamed that their marriage had problems and they kept it to themselves. This usually meant complete freedom for the husband to whore around. Not so today, there are serious consequences for him when the marriage breaks up. Divorce for men can be brutal and ladies have that arrow in their quiver.

Marriage self help is really the only kind of help that there is for marriage. Marriage counseling is sort of a guided marriage self help and is worthwhile. These trained people can often see the obvious, the things that you cannot see because you are so close. In the end going with a councilor or not is not as important as the commitment of the marriage partners to the marriage and to the idea of improving it. Take charge of your marriage, it is important whether or not you seek outside help.

Marriages suffer over time from neglect. Often the two people will sort of go their own ways and the reasons they married are lost with time. When this happens spouses become less involved and develop separate lives. The marriage needs maintenance before this happens and after it does it perhaps needs major repair.

Marriage self help means talking to each other and exploring the relationship. Men are usually less inclined to open up on these issues. A smart wife or a counselor can help at this point. Initiate a conversation about a third party relationship - she might say that one of her young friends is having a relationship problem; she can go on to ask what he thinks the ideal relationship is. Husbands can also use the method it just seemed easier to explain from a wife's perspective. Careful use of this technique can get him to begin opening up since it is easier to talk about others than about ourselves. Care must be taken not to get too close to home too soon or the process will be over.

The method can be used by anyone, just think out where you want to go before you begin, and you can easily uncover what your spouse sees as issues in the marriage. As you uncover issues you can begin to explore them, you can switch over to asking about your own situation or continue to talk about the third party.

Don't try to control or manipulate your spouse with this method, it is meant only to be a way of exploring feelings to try to find some common ground on the issue that you perceive in your marriage. The two of you may see it completely different you can find your partners feeling safely this way. Just don't go in with a notion that the two of you should see things the same.

The idea is not to trap your spouse into expressing some feeling or belief that you don't agree with and then complaining about it, rather to understand where the two of you are. To understand that there will always be differences. What you might consider special your spouse might think is silly.

Marriage self-help is not about judgment; rather it is about understanding your beliefs about your relationship.