Getting along with your partner or spouse is not just about sex. Communication plays a very important part in every relationship. Poor communication skills can be a source of anger and low libido for a relationship. On the other hand, effective communication serves as a springboard to a stronger relationship and better sex life. The next time, when any conflict occurs, keep these tips on effective communication skills in mind and you can get a more positive outcome and an improvement in sexual intimacy.

(1) Focusing on the present

Sometimes you may be tempted to dig up certain past issues and lump them up to your current ones. However, doing so will only complicate matters and hinder both sides’ abilities to come up with solutions. Therefore, you should stay focused on the present, try to understand each other’s view points to facilitate the finding of solutions.

(2) Paying attention

People often make this mistake of only wanting others to listen to them but are not interested in hearing what others are talking. Communication can only be effective if it happens in both directions. When you keep talking, you will tend to listen less. At certain point in time, it is better to stop talking and start listening in order to gain a better understanding of your partner’s views.

(3) Trying to put yourself in his/her position

Often problems arise when we talk only from our point of view and spend a lot of time and effort in trying to get the other person to see things our way. This can only make the other person feel that you do not care about him or her. It facilitates the coming up of better solutions to your conflict if you can try to put yourself in his/her position to understand how he/she reaches his/her view points.

(4) Empathizing his/her feelings

It is easy to feel hurt and get defensive when someone criticizes you. While criticism can often be unbearable, it is important to listen to the other person’s pain and respond with empathy for his/her feelings. Listen carefully to differentiate what is true in what he/she is saying can help you to discover the roots of the conflict.

(5) Taking responsibility for your actions

Effective communication requires the courage to admit your mistakes when you are wrong. This can help to diffuse the tension and inspire the other person to respond in kind. This will lead you both to a solution as well as better understanding of each other.

(6) Beginning with what you are going to say with "I"

Instead of saying things like, "You mess things up," begin your statements like, "I feel …….." This will make your tone less accusing and provoke less defensiveness. By changing the way you talk, you can help the other person understand your point of view without him/her feeling attacked.

(7) Working towards a compromise

It is unrealistic in trying to get everything to work in your way. You have to "arrive at somewhere in the middle" to meet certain portions of each other’s needs. This approach is much more effective than you getting what you want at the expense of the other person. Healthy communication involves coming out with a win-win solution for both sides.

(8) Taking time to cool off

Sometimes tempers can get heated up so much that it becomes pointless to talk further. When this happens, it is better to step back for a while to let each side cool down first. Sometimes good communication means knowing when to keep quiet.

(9) Keeping a positive attitude

If you can approach the situation with a constructive attitude, mutual respect and a willingness to take into consideration each other’s point of view or at least making an effort to come out with a solution, you can make progress towards the goal of a resolution to the conflict. Unless you want to throw in the towel on your relationship, you should not give up on communication.

(10) Seeking a 3rd party help if you need it

If one or both of you have trouble in reaching out to each other or if the situation shows no signs of improving, it will be better to seek the help of a professionally trained 3rd party. A family counselor will be in the best position to work out some feasible solutions and offer you and your spouse some skill training to resolve future conflict. If your partner does not want to accompany you to meet the counselor, you can still benefit from this professional help and advice.