I must be on the right track with a series of conversations relative to integrity and honesty as a key ingredient of our maturing integrity!

A recent "Streaming Faith" devotional that comes each morning talked about "honesty". Let me paraphrase Bishop E. Earl Jenkins comments, starting with the quote from Proverbs: "An honest answer is a sign of true friendship." Proverbs 24:26 (TEV)

The heart of Bishop Jenkins message is that many times true caring means confronting those with whom we are in relationship - whether family, friends, co-workers or fellow church members.

The question is "why" do we often shrink from doing so? Well, it’s not always easy. Keeping the ’status quo’; playing ‘peace at any price’ or ‘not rocking the boat’ makes us more comfortable.

But is it true to our integrity or to the other who may need to be lovingly corrected in order to avoid going off on the wrong path?

It takes a great deal of maturity to rise above our fears of confrontation to do the caring thing in marriage, in friendship, and in the market place. And maturity is another foundational piece of growing in personal and professional integrity!

Let me quickly say that the word "confrontation" has gotten a ‘bad rap’! It is often viewed as a ‘negative’ word that means argument, yelling, shouting, screaming or worse yet! But true ‘confrontation’ is not a negative, once we learn to do it in an attitude of love and caring for the other. Even when caring for the other means owning our own anger, disappointment, hurt or whatever to ourselves and the other.

Our Christian scripture admonishes us to speak the truth in love! It encourages us to ‘confront’ those who may go astray if we don’t love them enough to speak out! And it gives us hints on how to do it without being rude or caustic. Basically if we approach the other in an attitude of respect much as we would approach someone older or younger who is a member of our own family.

For us who are primarily motivated by ’seeking the truth’, speaking the ‘truth’ in love is exceedingly difficult! For me, it’s more so when out of the professional setting and into personal life.

Yet learning to do so is part and parcel of growing in personal and professional integrity as we seek to be more and more honest with ourselves and each other.

I keep coming back to the ’sandwich’ approach of which I spoke earlier in the week. Speaking ‘bread’ first; then the ‘meat’ and ending with ‘bread’ again. And another piece of wisdom I’ve learned is that this kind of "caring confrontation" is better done face to face rather than at a distance.

When we are face to face with someone that needs our loving confrontation, it’s easier to see eyes, faces, body language. It’s easier to reach out and ‘touch’ the other in order to emphasize our care for them as the basis of the confrontation.

I know this via personal experience because I confronted very directly - from a distance - when frustrated and it didn’t turn out well. Oh, eventually it did, but the heartache between confrontation and "turning out well" made a bad situation worse. But then isn’t this the usual path of growth that we take?

Don’t we usually learn because we didn’t listen to "mama" and found the stove to be "hot" and burned our fingers!?

My concluding thought for today is to encourage each of us to think about those in our lives who may be moving off on a path that could lead to disaster - or at least a not-so-pleasant detour. Think about how to speak to them in loving, but firm ways that will address issues of the heart and not the head! If confrontation is needed and the thought of it makes knots in the stomach; write down what needs to be said. Practice it as if it were a speech you had to make for your boss or spouse. Let a trusted-other hear it and give feedback on your tone of voice, body stance, the ‘zing’ of the words you’ve used.

Then refine, refine, refine! And if you are a praying woman, then ask our Heavenly Papa to open the door to an occasion when the confrontation can occur because an occasion has occurred!

Much easier than forcing it at a time when both parties do not feel equipped for caring confrontation.

I’m amazed that the daily email devotional message was so appropriate for today’s conversation! Now that’s what I call a ’significant non-coincidence’!

For our daily reflection on this Thursday, October 25, let’s think about what it is that keeps us from speaking the truth in love; adding to the frustration we and others involved may feel because we’re avoiding being true to our own integrity and that of others. Discovering what it is that holds us back is the first step in learning how to do it with grace and caring!

Have an AWESOME day with much love and many blessings!

Linda