Most couples are not aware that the key to having a healthy marriage is to create a better relationship within their partnership, as well as improving themselves as individuals. This concept can be difficult to grasp, however it is essential for positive growth to occur in the marriage. The best way to describe this concept is inthe example of a couple dancing. Each person must be aware of their own dancing skills, including their own strengths and weaknesses. They must be aware of the type of shoes and clothing that works best for them to dance in, and what type of music they can dance best to.

Then when each dance partner comes together, they have to create a blend that utilizes the strengths of each partner and adjusts for the limitations of each partner as well. From the outside, the audience sees the couple dancing together as either a fluid dancing team or as a clumsy one. This is the outside appearance of the marriage. However, between the two dance partners, this blend between them has formed a whole new relationship that is evolving moment by moment and consists of excitement, synergy, and cooperation. If the couple has not worked on the relationship within their marriage, their "dance" and their marriage will seem disjointed, chaotic and awkward. However if the couple has created a better relationship within their marriage, their dance will seem fluid and beautiful.

The first step to working on the relationship within the marriage is to identify the patterns that have developed thus far. It is pretty common for a marriage to develop patterns, whether they are in the areas of communication, emotional expression, fighting, parenting or intimacy. The question that most couples need to ask themselves is whether the patterns they have developed in their marriage are ones they want to keep and whether they are committed to creating a better relationship together.

A marriage is a living, breathing entity that naturally evolves over time. If the relationship within the marriage is not maintained, it is easy for a couple to "get off track" and become disconnected from each other. The relationship within the marriage is not nourished and each individual loses an understanding of their partner over time. In order to prevent this disconnect, couples must set aside time together, learn to communicate openly, to resolve differences effectively, and share their dreams and goals with each other on a frequent basis. Creating a better relationship within the marriage also consists of having positive, fun experiences together, where each partner can explore their own strengths and limitations while minimizing the chance for conflict.

It is absolutely possible to create a better relationship within a marriage, even after a long period of disconnect, if both partners are willing. However, changing the patterns of the relationship cannot be approached in a haphazard manner, since the potential in the beginning for reverting back to former relationship patterns is very high. This would be like trying to dance the tango after only one or two dance lessons, eventually you would end up reverting back to your former dance patterns.

Understanding the concept and structure of a better relationship within the marriage can also help couples understand where to focus their energy upon. If either the husband or wife needed to improve upon themselves individually, the structure would allow for this since the relationship within the marriage cannot be strengthened if the individuals are not strong themselves. Thus, it would be important for husbands and wives to set aside alone time in order to do their own part in creating a better relationship by focusing on their own issues. Creating a better relationship within the marriage is often a process that takes time and energy to form. Both partners must be committed to improving their marriage, and receive outside direction in doing so, however it is absolutely possible to turn your relationship around and create the happiness you both deserve.