Even those of us who are actively practicing the elements of maintaining a positive, peaceful, stress-free and productive life sometimes find ourselves with a friend who leaves us feeling just a bit let down after we've spent time with them. All the elements of what a friendship should be appear to be present, yet for some reason there is this persistent, nagging sense that something isn't quite right.

"Why do I always feel so deflated after she's been around?" you wonder.

You realize that you just aren't happy after seeing this friend and you thought friendship was supposed to be uplifting and fun.

You wonder if it's your fault; maybe you've done something inadvertently to upset her. You don't like the tension and she insists everything is fine.

Things still don't feel right.

Consider this: Maybe it isn't you at all. Maybe it's your friend and maybe that particular friend is toxic.

What is a Toxic Friend?

The term "toxic friend" almost seems oxymoronic in nature. Why would someone be friends with a person who is negative or difficult to be around? There are a variety of reasons, actually, and because we're acting in the name of support and friendship, we may not even be consciously aware of the signs of a friend's downbeat disposition.

There are a number of factors which may be construed as characteristics of a toxic personality. Five specific characteristics, however, come to mind as being among the more poisonous and relationship-damaging with relation to someone you may consider a friend:

1. Constant criticism. Is your friend incessantly judging or criticizing others? While there is a distinct difference between observation and judgment in any situation, the delivery of certain opinions, especially in the form of gossip, can be quite hurtful. A friend who openly judges and criticizes others can create an enormous energetic drain for you, even if you are not the recipient at the moment. You may even be continually distracted by your concerns around what your friend may be saying about you and it is difficult to be yourself if you are always on guard.

2. Non-responsibility. While we all may defer to others for the sake of balance in a friendship, a non-toxic friend won't use deferral as a weapon and will, instead, take responsibility for deferring. For example, you ask your friend where he wants to have lunch. He claims he doesn't care so you make the decision. You arrive at your lunch destination and he promptly becomes annoyed, edgy, and perhaps a bit confrontational because "there's nothing to eat" on the menu. "You wanted to come here so I agreed," is his argument. Left unchecked, this type of behavior can dissolve into a rather passive-aggressive stance which is definitely not a healthy part of a fully functioning friendship.

3. Breaking dates or appointments, consistently running late. These behaviors, if looked at objectively, generally represent signs of blatant disrespect. Would we tolerate these behaviors from others if we realized that a person--someone we considered to be a friend-was, in reality, being openly and intentionally disrespectful towards us?

4. Low to no energy. Do you always feel physically, psychically, or emotionally drained after spending time around a particular person? While the person may be "nice" enough, or may have similar interests, their energy level may be polluting yours. The theory of entrainment suggests that we tend to move at the same rate, pace, and energy level as those around us, whether we're in a crowd or with one other person. So, if your friend is always dragging, feeling down, is unhappy, or acting in a negative way, it is quite likely you are unconsciously mirroring these behaviors.

5. Constant chaos. Do you have a friend that seems to perpetually have a crisis that she needs your help to deal with or a string of turbulent, albeit all too similar, relationships that require your mediation or counsel? Do you feel that you repeatedly (and seemingly involuntarily) find yourself playing therapist, and worse yet, feel like you are saying the same things over and over again? Some people seek out or create chaos in order to validate how they are feeling about their place and station in life and will engage as many others around them as possible --their audience--for advice and support. Unfortunately, these types of friends are generally dismissive of legitimate help.

In essence, a friendship can be defined as an authentic, reciprocal relationship with someone you can talk to, someone you can depend upon and someone you truly regard with affection and trust. If some of your friendships are feeling less than genuine, perhaps its time to reassess the relationship and acknowledge that you, indeed, may not be at fault.