Love is unquestionably the most potent, eternal sentiment known to man. Kingdoms rose and civilizations crumbled in its name; without it, humankind will cease to exist. Sadly, love is also the most repressed of human feelings. Society has erected such rigid standards of what is acceptable and unacceptable to which we have gladly succumbed. Such ready adherence has colored our perception of love and how it should be expressed. As an example, let us focus on platonic relationships between a man and a woman, which most people cynically regard as improbable, if not impossible, ventures. Just what is a platonic relationship? Does exist, and if it does, is such a relationship possible between a male and a female? To answer these questions, we need to examine the philosophy behind it.

At the core of a platonic relationship is platonic love, also known as amor platonicus. This ideal of love, as espoused by the famous Greek philosopher Plato, is that of a pure, profound love meant to bring two people closer to wisdom and the Platonic form of Beauty, which is the image of the divine. In its purest form, such love directs the adoration bestowed to other human beings towards devotion to Divinity. It begins with an appreciation of an individual’s beauty, to enjoyment of Beauty apart from the individual, to reflection on the source of Beauty which is Divinity, and finally to a love of Divinity.

It should also be noted that in its original form, platonic love is not entirely devoid of eroticism; in fact, the Greek philosophers in those times recognized that a man’s desire for a boy’s beauty can be a basis for love between the two. However, channeling such desire towards spiritual, intellectual, and emotional endeavors was deemed nobler than seeking sexual expression. In light of the above, it can be said that amor platonicus can—and does exist—regardless of gender and nature of the relationship. It can exist between family members, husbands and wives, mentors and protégées, between male and female friends.

This understanding contradicts the modern, popular perception that a platonic liaison is an affectionate, nonsexual relationship solely between members of the opposite sex. Such contemporary view limits the expression of amor platonicus, which is supposed to be limitless, and puts too much emphasis on lack of eroticism, rather than love of Divinity through appreciation of Beauty, as the determinant of platonic associations. So, can a platonic relationship flourish between a man and a woman? Yes, it can. What makes the idea unbelievable to some is the assumption that sex is an inevitable reality between the genders; that even if sexual attraction is not an issue at the outset, constant companionship and emotional exchanges guarantee that it will be.

While these assumptions may be true, given the human propensity to love and be loved, a sexual encounter does not—need not—negate the platonic status of a relationship. Why, then, do many platonic friendships perish once sex becomes part of the equation? The real killer of amor platonicus is not sex but the complicated moral issues that come with it. This is where society comes in, with its rigid standards of appropriateness and acceptability. When one’s actions are always measured against the rod of morality, one begins to harbor expectations; expectations, when not met, leads to disappointment; disappointment, in turn, erodes trust.

Without trust, no relationship will survive, platonic or otherwise. Evidently, platonic love is special—it allows people to connect on spiritual and emotional levels romantic love sometimes never reaches. This explains why some of the most enduring relationships are those found between real friends and family members, and between lovers who started out as friends. This enlightened perception of amor platonicus lays to rest the cynical view most of us hold on platonic relationships and their authenticity. Indeed, properly nurtured, a platonic relationship can be one of life’s greatest sources of pleasure.