If you love

to attend bridal showers, can’t wait to see what funny little games you’ll

play, and are anxious to receive your cute, crafty favor, then you may not

enjoy this article or the recent trends in these events. Some women enjoy the

traditional bridal shower, but many do not and find themselves going through

the motions because it is what their mothers did.  If you find yourself in this

category, you should take comfort in knowing that you are not alone.  Many brides-to-be

question tradition, but how was the tradition first established, and do the

reasons to have a traditional bridal shower still hold true today? 

The tradition, itself, was derived from an old legend where a

beautiful, young, woman from an affluent family decided to go against her

family’s wishes and marry her true love, who happened to be very poor.  The

bride’s father was furious with rage that his daughter would choose to marry a lowly

peasant. He told her that if she continued her rebellious behavior and married

this man, she would receive no dowry, he would cut her off from the family

fortune, and she would be forced to live a poor life.  Feeling sorry for the

couple, their friends got together and gave them items they would need to set

up their home.  They chose a day, surprised the couple, and “showered” them

with gifts. 

The tradition continued as newly wed couples left their parent’s houses to start a home of their own, having nothing but their clothing

to bring to the marriage.  Most of us have been guests at “Kitchen and Bathroom

Showers”, where the couple receives pots, pans, towels and the like, but in

this day and age, are traditional showers really necessary?  Times have

changed.  The US Census stated that in the year 2000, there were approximately

10 million unmarried couples living together, a tenfold increase from 1996. 

Cohabitation is becoming more common, and while traditional conservatives believe

that a couple should never live together until after marriage, more and more

Americans are choosing to do so. 

Why, then, are couples registering for kitchen and bathroom items when they have already lived together for X amount of time and possess a

lot of these items?  The answer: tradition; their mothers did it, and their

grandmothers did it.  Some couples see this as an opportunity to “trade up” for

nicer kitchenware or to finally get that expensive china they’ve been eyeing. 

Practical couples feel pressured by retailers to place more items on their

registry that they really don’t need.  Guests feel pressured to purchase

something from the registry rather than give a gift not itemized on the

couple’s want-list.

How, then, is it possible to blend traditional ideals with the contemporary realities of life?  Let’s compare traditional norms to what

some brides today are doing to break the mold.

Who is supposed to throw the bridal shower?

Traditional View: The Maid of Honor

Contemporary view: Because bridal showers can get

expensive, and often the financial burden can be overwhelming for the Maid of

Honor, alone, the mother of the bride, the mother of the groom, and the

bridesmaids are pitching in to help out.  Whether it’s taking charge of the

RSVP’s or making the favors, it is far more common for the bridal shower to be

the result of a group effort.

Where is the bridal shower held?

Traditional view: The home of the Maid of Honor or

the mother of the bride (which would have also been the bride’s home at the

time).

Contemporary view: It is becoming more popular to

have showers in halls or even in local restaurants.  This gives today’s

contemporary, professional women less to worry about in organizing the event. 

Having the shower at a hall or restaurant means that you don’t need to spend

the day before the shower vacuuming and dusting your home, nor spend the day

after washing dishes and doing post-party clean up.

When to schedule the bridal shower?

Traditional view: Anywhere from 6 weeks to 2 weeks

before the wedding date.

Contemporary view: The timetable is pretty much the same, but is far more dependent on when relatives and friends from far away can

make it.  It is not uncommon for showers to be held a couple of days before the

wedding when all the guests are in town.

What to give as gifts at the bridal shower?

Traditional view: Kitchen and bathroom items chosen from the couple’s registry list.

Contemporary view: Many brides are breaking away

from the “Kitchen and Bathroom Shower” and are becoming creative with shower themes.  For example, a couple who had lived together for a while and had kitchenware decided to throw a garden themed shower.  They had

wanted to do some landscaping improvements for a while and with gifts like

seeds, pots, and gardening and yard tools, their backyard was soon worthy of a

barbeque! The couple also enjoyed the “together time” working on their yard.  Another

cohabitating couple that just turned their basement into a game room and sports

pub decided to throw a stock the bar shower, where guests, both men and

women, were invited and brought bottles of wine and liquor to fill the couple’s

new not-so-mini bar.  Other couple’s decide to dump the theme idea altogether,

and have a co-ed party with all their family and friends (kind of a small,

casual party before the big, formal party).  Whatever you decide, remember to

make your guest as comfortable as possible, especially those older folks who

won’t understand why you “couldn’t just have a ‘regular’ shower”.

Whether you are a traditionalist or a more modern bride, whether you are living with your husband-to-be or you are waiting to move in

together until after marriage, remember that a bridal shower can be fun.  The

reasons to hold a shower may have changed, but the tradition of holding a get

together to honor the bride/couple before their marriage is strong.  Whether

you would prefer a co-ed party to a girls-only shower or not, let others know

your wishes, so you are sure to have an enjoyable time filled with memories.