A very important ingredient to having a superior relationship

lies in good communication. In fact, it is almost impossible to

have any kind of relationship with a person unless you are able

to relate to him or her. The ability to communicate effectively

means that you have to pay close attention and to listen very

carefully. We all have different methods of communication. You

need to be able to understand, appreciate, and respect how

other people communicate, especially your dating partner.

A good way to show your date that you are listening carefully

to him or her is to repeat what he or she has said. Say for

example your partner tells you: "You have been very distant

lately", you then say, "So you are saying I have been distant?"

Follow up with an open ended question like "Tell me more about

what you mean." By saying that, you can verify what your

partner has said and make him or her feel comfortable about

talking to you about his or her concern.

How you communicate with your words could bring comfort by

reducing fear and easing tension. The following are some

guiding principles to help you take advantage of your words and

get your point across more effectively:

DO make the person you are talking to feel secure by offering a

lot of support and appreciation. This gets the silent types to

open up more and feel at ease.

DON'T make your date feel uncomfortable by judging,

criticizing, or making fun of what he or she has to say.

DO relax. Feeling anxious can mess up your confidence and

attention. Take deep breaths when you feel like you need to end

the conversation because of fear or panic.

DON'T feel that everything has to be resolved at one time.

DO listen carefully and avoid interrupting while the other

person is talking.

DON'T use offensive vocabularies and expressions. It is very

disrespectful and cheapens you and the person you are talking

to.

DO get to the point and be clear on what you want to get across

or if you have any questions.