It doesn’t matter where you live, who you are or what you’re doing, you’ll encounter stress – that’s life. And, it’s not all bad. We all perceive things differently; some people see things as more negative while others are more positive about things.

Why do some of us thrive on stress and some of us buckle? It’s in our perspective about stress. We do better when we choose to rise to challenges instead of fearing or fighting problems.

Positive stress helps you operate at your peak as it encompasses your ‘fight or flight response’ and gives you extra physical and emotional resources when you or someone you care about is in trouble.

Negative stress is simply stress that we perceive as ‘bad’ and this varies from person to person. Stress becomes bad when we react negatively and it affects our health and mental outlook. Over time it leads to immune disorders, strokes, heart problems, fatigue, hair loss and more. In our fast-paced society that’s always-on, negative stress is epidemic.

According to research, stress hardiness is a life skill we can learn, not one we’re born knowing.

Individuals who weather stress have many mindsets that help them cope and thrive. Here are some ideas:

1. Accept change.

There’s no getting around it, change is inevitable; it begins in the womb and continues as our bodies, minds and spirits change. The world around us does the same so if we accept change as a normal part of life, anxiety is reduced. When you know nothing stays the same, you can feel empowered and cope better.

2. Have strong bonds.

Life can ‘sock it to ya’ and you’ll thrive if you have strong relationships. Social support during stressful times is the key; women know this and are more likely to seek emotional help. It doesn’t take fancy research to tell us that we feel better during times of stress when we phone our friends, go out with someone or ‘vent.’ We’re not designed to bottle up our emotions – we need to know that our feelings are okay and that we can survive a situation and get help with our challenges.

3. Short-term goals.

Although we say we hate stress, a certain amount is necessary to motivate us to get up in the morning, work, meet deadlines and more. This is good stress. We need a mission and when we don’t have one, we wander aimlessly and waste precious time. Setting small daily, weekly or monthly goals help us feel more focused and less stressed.

4. Long-term goals.

Most of us have a mission to finish something in one day, one week, even one month but do we know what we want to accomplish within five or 10 years? For a lot of us, thinking ahead like this is a challenge; we’re lucky if we know what we’re doing next week. However, you need to know what your purpose is – having a successful career, financial independence, spirituality or a plan to change something in the world. Long term goals give us clarity and vision – something that can buffer us from day to day stresses; when we know what our long term vision is, we can set up short-term goals that point us towards the larger goal.

5. Let it go.

When we begin life as babies, we see the world through our eyes and feel as though the planet revolves around us. Sometime around early adulthood (or maybe later for some of us) we get a rude awakening; we’re part of something much bigger that we can’t control. We often fight this feeling because we want to be in control, but in reality, we can only control ourselves. (If we have a mental health issue, we may not be able to control ourselves) Once you understand this law, life will seem less like a struggle; you’ll pay more attention to your reactions and stop controlling situations and people.

6. Silver linings.

You’ve heard the quote, “Look on the bright side.” For most of us, we believe this but some of us who suffer from depression, sadness or tragedy, this can seem preposterous. Instead of thinking negative, find something positive in a situation; you may not like the whole situation but if you challenge your thinking to, “What can I learn from this situation? What is the silver lining in this tragic storm?” If you find it a challenge to be an optimist, act like one. When something bad occurs, visualize a positive outcome instead of a disaster.

7. Say No.

People get overwhelmed when they take on too many projects and stretch themselves thin. You need to focus your energy; when you do too much multitasking, you diminish your power and effectiveness. You also get resentful, angry and impatient when you have too much to do and too little time. Analyze what you do in a week and see where you’re splitting your energy; if you eliminate a few things, you should feel less stressed.

8. Exercise.

Nothing is better for stress reduction than exercise. We all know the benefits of being physical; exercise produces larger muscles, burns fat, adds to longevity and gives us more energy…the list is endless. If you think you’re too busy to get physical, fit in 10 minutes a day. Even 10 minutes makes a difference and after four or five weeks, you may see enough of a difference that you want to make more time to exercise.

Stress can give you energy and vision or it can wreak havoc on your health and looks. Once you realize it’s an inevitable part of life, find ways to make it work for you.