Placing a troubled, dependent relative in a nursing home is a heart-wrenching ordeal. To ease the way, know when a nursing home is the only answer. Deciding factors : When there is a loss of control of body functions, a loss of memory or an inability to perform the basic activities of daily life such as shopping, cleaning and dressing. People do not age physically and emotionally at the same rate.

Never coerce a person into a nursing home. Rather, open the decision for discussion. When possible, have the person accompany you when you shop for the proper home. The nursing homes with the best reputations, highest staff-to-patient ratios and longest waiting lists are nonprofit. That is, they are run by churches, fraternal orders and charities.

The majority of nursing homes are for profit, or proprietary. Other differences among homes. Skilled nursing facilities are for patients with serious mental and physical disabilities. Most of these places are proprietary.

Nonprofit homes usually charge a flat, high monthly fee with no extras for added services, Proprietary homes ask a lower monthly fee with extra payments for services,

Always be certain that you understand the rates and service charges.

May proprietary do not take Medicaid patients. The amounts paid by the stat and federal health plans are not always enough to cover the costs. Patients without any money should be placed in a nonprofit home.

To select a home, start by asking the patient's physician, relatives and friends who have gone through a similar experience for information. Also, get information from the state departments of health and social services.

Begin the search long before it becomes necessary to find a home. Caution: Many emotional problems among the elderly occur during the waiting period because of the stress of being in limbo.

Since this is an emotional experience, take a close friend with you when you inspect nursing homes. The person will look for things that you forget.

One of the things you need to ask your self is why am I putting my aged father or mother in a nursing home. I can mention few of the reasons why:Father or mother can not take care of them selves.

Parent can not remember to take their medications.

Parent alone at home most cases, and you do not want them to get hurt while you out.

There are many reasons to make you put your parent in a nursing home, do not feel guilty.

Its a fact of life.

What you seek in a home and What you watch for