Saving A Relationship, Saving A Marriage

When people look at saving a marriage or relationship they usually only look at it from their own view point: how special is the relationship to you. You should also try to understand what it looks like to the other person. Here are some things to consider.

Saving a marriage means balance. In a relationship we do things for each other, in a good relationship these things tend to balance out. We give appreciation and respect and help each other feel special. How is this working in your relationship? Is it all one-sided, have you tried to look at it from your partners perspective? It gets down to appreciation of each other, what are you doing in your relationship that you appreciate and that your partner can appreciate?

Saving a marriage involves working out the details of everyday life. A life together is not something that magically happens, for example, someone has to clean and someone has to take out the trash, someone has to cook and someone has to mow the yard. These are basic understandings that usually naturally occur in a relationship: who does what.

Saving a marriage means trust, this means fidelity in the relationship and also constancy. Over time in a relationship expectations develop and they are tied into trust. We come to expect each other to behave in certain ways. If this stops then a problem happens. Be sure you understand these things. Trust also involves holding your relationship partner in high esteem: you should be their primary supporter; they should know that you are always there and always have their back.

Saving a marriage means communication. Communication is more than just talking to each other. Communication doesn't happen unless there is understanding. Communication is not just what we hear, it is what we see and feel as well. Most communication does not involve what we hear but involves all of our senses. Body language is real. Do you say I love you but show a lack of interest in your face and posture? If the love is there show it as well as saying it. It may mean that you take a moment to appreciate what you have before you speak.

Saving a marriage means working on ourselves to embody the best of the previous four ideas. Looking in to see what our part in the difficulties is.

Saving a marriage is possible and desirable, but if your relationship is in trouble you need to bring new ideas in, new ways to communicate, you need to discover appreciation and being thankful. For each partner it means working not only on the relationship but on themselves.