6 keys to survive a sentimental breakup
- Author Jose Talavera
- Published June 24, 2009
- Word count 965
Overcoming a relation split up needs time, in some cases even years. The situation through which one passes is very painful but, as difficult as it seems, once the pain has been attenuated, as well as the gap and the initial uncertainty, it will be possible to initiate a new stage.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A RELATION ENDS ?
Sadness. When the one we love leaves us, a deep sadness appears that we must overcome.
When a love relation is finished, people usually say phrases of the "we can be friends" or the "we have to keep on meeting" type. Nevertheless, not all the separations are equal.
Overcoming the bitter gulp of a rupture gets easier when the relation ends in a friendly fashion, with the sensation of mitigation and the mutual conviction that it would not have worked in the long run anyway.
Nevertheless, when the decision to break up the relation belongs to one of the two, the other one experiences a series of reactions that go from the incredulity and the sadness up to the anger or the hate for the person who has hurt him.
After the rupture we go through different moments and stages:
At first we do not even believe it, we are stunned and do not stop thinking about it. In such cases it is convenient to speak with friends, relatives... It is the best way of assimilating it and of restoring us.
Later we enter a stage in which the sadness invades us: lamentations, fault, pain, desperation... In this phase we torment ourselves thinking and believing that we are never going to be well again, that we are not going to overcome it, etc.
When some time passes it usually appears a lack of control phase: to go out, to self-gratify, to change image, environment... A freedom sensation invades us and we want to compensate the time, breaking with everything.
Finally we get to the final stage in which we usually reach more serenity, we want to recover the happiness: to learn to enjoy our company and that of the others, and discover the advantages of being without couple.
HOW TO BEGIN A NEW STAGE
Breaking up a relation is never agreeable but, being able to face the new stage without fault or rancor will allow us to start over.
It is advisable to avoid enjoying oneself bitterly in what could have been and was not, we rather begin reconstructing our life with optimism, autonomy and freedom. And for all this, it is fundamental to really face the pain and to assume our own feelings.
It is very important to bear in mind that it is not always necessary to try to overcome it in two days. Going through your pain calmly and patiently will allow you to save the best of the relation for yourself.
Time and distance are frequently necessary to understand the causes of the separation and to find the strength to overcome it.
THE 6 KEYS TO FACE THE BREAK UP.
- Avoid the dependency. What it is necessary to avoid at all costs is the dependency, when there is already no more affectionate relation. Namely to try to lengthen the bond with the hope that everything be again as earlier, when they have already expressed the desire to walk away.
The sadness is the feeling that most paralyzes us in a sentimental rupture. Everything reminds us to that person: places, situations, songs... Our plans, desires and sleep have gone away with our couple and that fills us with insecurity and sadness regarding the future.
We wonder if one day we will find someone to share our life with or if we will be alone forever...
The first step to overcome the pain will be to accept that we are sad and let that feeling be. Consequently, if you want to cry do it, let off steam and express as much as you can the sorrow that you are carrying inside.
Do not forget that the worst thing that you can do is to suppress your emotions. Nevertheless, do not let yourself fall down in a depression or in the bitterness. Avoid thoughts of the "without him or her nothing is worth it" or of the "I will never overcome it" type.
Express your anger. A good way of expressing what we feel in this moment is to visualize our ex-couple sitting in front of us and then express our annoyance to him/her.
Write a letter and then burn it. You can write to him/her a letter, explaining all the damage that he/she has done to you and how angry you are. Once you have let off steam, burn down the letter, since the simple fact of contemplating your annoyance turned into smoke will help you feel better.
Write a diary and deliver yourself. A way of knowing how we feel is to write a diary. In it we will be able to free our feelings and thoughts on the rupture, our new situation... Writing a little every day will help you understand yourself better and feel better instantly.
Be positive. Try to see the positive side and repeat: I will go through this. Realize that you can make it.
Do not punish yourself. It is possible that you cannot avoid to torture yourself thinking that everything would have been different if you had not worked so much, if you had taken more care of your look, if you had been more affectionate ... But you cannot change the past, so you do not punish yourself with this type of thoughts and put all your energy in the present.
If you were the one who finished the relation or you propitiated the rupture do not feel guilty and assume your decision.
Born in Asuncion, Paraguay. Married with Sady. 3 daughters, 2 sons. Psychologist. Marriage and post-divorce advisor.
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