Is Your Marriage Really Over?


  • Author Berna Lee
  • Published November 25, 2009
  • Word count 524

As the song lyric says, "Breaking up is hard to do". Yes it is, but how do you know your marriage is over? How do you know it is time to call it a day and move on?

It can be a terribly difficult fact to accept that your relationship is finished. For some couples it is easy or easier but often there are some tough times and a lot of angst to work through.

There are roughly three stages. The first is your happy marriage. The second is the doubting stage when you begin to think everything is not rosy in the garden. And the third stage is when you pull the pin, break up and divorce.

But it is that second stage where most of the suffering is endured. You have tiny doubts about your marriage and then bigger doubts. What should you do? Well many couples do the right thing and talk about their differences. Keeping the lines of communication open is vital if you have even the slightest desire to save your marriage.

Then you can follow up with professional help. Marriage therapy is often a good way to sort out your problems, repair your relationship and save your marriage.

But sadly there will come a time when all the will and all the hard work in the world will not fix the broken relationship. And there are several signs which can help you decide. Of course you may not want to throw away what once you thought was a union for life. But marriages do fail and there are some indicators that a love match is over.

If you are spending more time away from your spouse than with them then it may be because you have a heavy work load or, it could be a sign that you do not care for your spouse as once you did. Couples who are deeply in love want to be with one another. If you no longer have that depth of feeling, it may be because your marriage is failing.

If either or both spouses is cheating then that is a serious failing of the marriage. It means, if nothing else, that you have lost respect for your partner. Many marriages recover when cheating occurs but many do not.

Fights, arguments and disagreements happen in the best of marriages but if these issues occur time and again and if there is bad blood after them, then your marriage is most likely in trouble. Clearly if there is any violence towards a spouse then that is a serious matter and breaking up then is doubly painful. Any form of abuse is totally unacceptable and a clear sign the marriage is over.

One of the most difficult aspects of breaking up is the fear of the future. However bad a marriage may be, one spouse may think that the alternative could be worse. This is not logical thinking. There are many support resources for people coming out of a failed marriage. And continuing to live is a loveless marriage is soul destroying and dangerous to your health.

Make the break and move on.

Berna Abonita is a writer offering free advice and resources on break up and how to break up. Visit the website for more free divorce advice.

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