Set your world a blaze

“Set your world a blaze let my reading guide you”

Writers quote

We are like flowers

We bloom

Then eventually wither away

Rule of life

Its time for me to let go go

Like how snow melts away in the rain

Life is to short to worry

So set your world a blaze

The red candle lights up it flickers

My mother said working “working blindly from the truth won’t help”

So I pinch the flame in darkness

The hidden truth

Spending days alone

It was like a storm cloud

Approaching the battle field

Of unfought wars

Mental Issues

The light is meant to guide you they say

What if the light guides me away from it

The longingness wanting to grasp it

Growing dimmer and dimmer

The light

“Who are you?” my reflection asked

“Im you” I reply

“Theres no way” it retorted

“This is me” I spoke with uncertainty

“No its not. Its an image of you created in your imagination. Look at you fat or to skinny in the reflection.

But from my side you are perfect.

Body Dysmorphia

Love is unconditional

Whats stopping you

From loving you

Self Love

I never thought you’d turn the world against you

Its me and you

Against everything and everyone

Us

You buried my soul in ashes

The dragons dance they were close but never connected.

Like me and him watching each others moves from a far.

The last look of farewell before we part.

The end was never always the ending some people say.

This will and is the end of me and his story.

Before it could’ve even started.

The Dragon dance

Liking you for the first time felt like a dream come true,

Loving you for the second time was not what I hoped for,

Screenshotting each texts,

All of a silly first love,

It was one sided of course you didn’t know,

Well you did but didn’t want to answer,

You finally confessed how you knew,

I told you m\y feelings weren’t from the blue,

You said wait for a bit so I did,

1 hour later you come with a spade burying my heart into ashes,

Where it was torn apart once again,

You said you didn’t feel the same,

What a shame I was hoping for a different answer this did not gain,

7 months of waiting he was my first love after all but with pain,

His text full of grace saying we can start over as friends once again,

I felt funny to say I’ll love him with my pain,

My heart in sorrow once again but at least Im close to him for now,

Was my luck going to change somehow?

First love

Repeat to yourself that they aren’t really gone. Time has proven to move differently in each universe. Most effective thing you could do is move on. Keep listening to those funny calls or reading those screenshots you were laughing at. When you were with them you analysed each word in each sentence they ever sent. Was this a sign? You thought things were going well don’t be naive. Its only fixated in your imagination as you watch them drift away. As they got bored their replies got shorter and they seemed busier than usual. You stay up every single night wondering where it all went wrong or if this was actually for the best. The constant reminder how lonely you actually are when they left for good. You’re now just left to rot in your bed for endless scrolling. Boring your eyes at people living their lives online. What are you left with? You wondered if you handled things differently maybe they would’ve stayed longer. Now you’re left with this hole in your heart filled with nothingness. That used to be full of joy and love. For the person that left you to become at your weakest. Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months when they left. You thought you’ve moved on. However no you haven't everything reminded you of them. Maybe in a parallel universe where time was different. You were actually meant to be.

Heartbroken

“I hope inner peace finds you”

Writers quote

It’s either I love you or I’ll take a bullet for you. But it’s never how I’d listen to your voice for hours without getting bored. The endless days I feel the longingness of wanting my hands to intertwine with yours to feel complete. Everytime I’m with you the world around me stops and comes at peace.

My way of I love you

You can be the sweetest person and people will still find a way to hate you.

Maturing

“You run like a girl” or “You run like a boy”

Well maybe we run like our ‘gender’ but at least we are survivors. There’s no gender of running it’s just sexist.

Warriors

Remember the ones we lost,

The memories will be the ones you value.

I talked to the moon.

It told me your name.

It made me smile but also cry.

It made me feel worthless,

But I needed that more than anything right now.

I need you to make me feel complete.

Now you’re just a beautiful memory.

That’s in my mind.

What I have lost.

Gabriel

Take a deep breathe I try forget your face,

But the love there i won’t forget,

I used to feel your warm embrace,

Your face is now blurred,

Your voice is hazed,

The horizon is where shall meet once more,

As we intertwined,

We used to be like Yin and Yang,

We rhymed with time,

Time was precious however not this time,

You’re there in the back of my head,

Trying to escape but I’ll hold you close,

To the day of the eclipse,

Moon and soon weren’t meant to be one,

Time was going to be their son of untold stories,

When the sun and moon part ways this was a silent goodbye,

Something I would bever thought of to this day,

One to be present,

Now just a blurry memory of us,

Maybe this is how it was meant to be.

Forgotten name

To my first love,

Loving you was the best thing to ever experience. I think writing some things about you was my way of healing me. I can’t tell if its silently destroying my heart or pride.

The Letter

Was it worth it to change your mind?

I wish I wasn’t who I was today,

If I could I’d make things different,

The way I act and behave,

The way I treated others,

Or the times where I wasn’t grateful,

Maybe if I wasn’t the person I was today things would be different,

I wouldn’t be writing or reading,

Or I wouldn’t have get bullied if I followed others,

What if I never cut my hair it would be to my waist,

What if I put on more makeup,

No that’s not me,

I should be proud of how far I came,

I am not like everyone else,

I am unique.

Proud to be different

My little sister is so annoying. She opens my doors and asks me if I want to play barbies with her or play tag, I say no all the time and tell her to leave me alone or to bug off. She gives me this look of sadness. As she grows she changes. There was no more playing with barbies. No more feeling the same excitement for Christmas without feeling any greed for others. There’s no more that boys have cooties. Now just insecurities pile up as we notice each imperfections of ourselves. I wish I could go to her room one more time. To play barbies or just spend time with her with no worries.

Im sorry little me

Dear Gabriel,

I’m sorry for saying that I’ll always be there for you when that was a lie. Every good thing has to come to an end eventually like how our friendship used to flourish. There’s no going back in time to change. However I still feel naive for forgiving your fake apology and lies. The only thing that changed you are more giving. Telling people what they want to hear. You're such a fake person. Your words dripped like honey to my ears months ago. Now you're just a nobody to me.

Toxic friends

“Be like a butterfly,

Flutter with meaning.”

Writers quote

I say Im healing

Reality Im grieving

What I thought was love

Was torture.

With a dagger through my chest a sword to his heart.

“Love can be blind.” He whispers, while coming closer piercing himself. I grip his hair, leaning in closer, the sword gutting me out.

“Maybe in the afterlife, my love.”

He kisses me for the last time, our eyes meet with desperation at the last look of one another. Weapon hand in hand; we interlock with one and another. He twisted the dagger, then next my sword. Both weak in eachothers arms, our love will finally be eternal.

Eternal Love

On the first day that you left me I started counting a star in the sky every night, for each night you left me longing to feel your lips against mine. On the second day that you left me I watched the clock tick by. But when I’m with you times seems to stop. On the third day that you left me I planted flowers watching them yearn for each spring. Like how you were hoping for success. On the fourth day that you left me I took a long bath to feel the closest thing against my body other than you. On the fifth day that you left me I felt hungry for something new trying to get you out of my mind. On the sixth day that you left me I felt sleepless each night thinking about something missing beside me. Which is weird. My bed had all its parts except from you. On the seventh day that you left me I grew tired of waiting. I finally found someone new. These weren't days or months I waited. I waited for seven years for you to vanish just like that.

The days you left

Time is like a hare on a rampage

I looked at our messages and smiled,

Every single text I took memory of were lies,

Every laugh,

Every argument,

All lies,

It was a few months ago,

Who thought you’d return as a ‘change’,

This time I left you where I should have,

In the past.

Unforgivable lies

Mistakes are there for you to learn from.

Not to repeat.

Everytime I look in glass or a mirror I see my reflection,

But it’s not what you think,

Everytime there’s someone behind me staring,

It’s subtle no movement just casted shadow,

Shadow of regret that follows me everywhere,

Was it the monster or was I the creator of it.

The eating guilt

People say never judge a book by its cover,

We judge due to different views of perspectives,

We are scared of differences.

“What are you scared of?” They ask me.

I say “I’m scared of spiders.”

“What are you really scared of?” They repeat the question in a different manner.

“Im scared of death. The shrouded pits of darkness overlapping my sight.”

The most asked question

I think over small things even though they might be small as an ant,

Even if my friends whisper in front of me,

When I ask what is it about?

They either say it’s nothing serious or the person I don’t know,

To be fair I’m scared that they will talk about me,

I always ask myself where my mind is? Why do I think too much?

Overthinker

Take a breather count to five,

Pretend there is no else but you,

Was this all a simulation?

Its my first day in school,

I’m nervous waiting for the one person I know to come,

I’m so excited to see where this high school life journey will take me,

I might finally have more friends,

I repeat that in my mind over and over,

I get pushed,

Kicked around like a football,

I felt ashamed to come in,

Whats wrong with me? I only wanted friends,

I forget that I don’t fit in,

I’m an outcast to society,

I don’t want it to be like this all over.

Outcast

I still think about you and hope this finds you well. I wish you a wonderful future even though we planned it out together. Even so its your destiny what you have to take for yourself. I'm wishing you luck. Till we talk again.

Martin

Hand in hand,

Our fingers interwoven,

The field full of roses,

This planet is beautiful,

It reminded me of his eyes,

How it glowed of joy around me,

Everytime I catch myself looking at him,

I fall in love again and again,

My love will never run out for him,

In every life I’d look for you to feel your love again.

Please stop sexualising me I say,

Listen, listen can’t you hear I beg,

There is no answer just the ignorance of my plea,

Speak to me not my body please,

Get your hands off me you did not ask me,

You lack self control,

Why me?

I told you to stop can’t you see your ruining me,

I lost my dignity not my hope,

I finally spoke my true tale,

I’ll leave with my justice not your despair,

You’re the reason why I can’t have my fair share of a normal life,

My body is my choice,

I left the battle field with invisible reminders,

How you were once there.

Sexual assault survivor

I shalln’t beg for your mercy,

All I ask is forgiveness.

I want people to expect the unexpected of me.

I want to be a surprise to everyone so they will conspire different thoughts.

“I speak the truth” They say,

Yet their tongue flickers like an unforgivable serpent,

The reminder of how they leave marks that they were there.

The laugh of children fill the halls,

While the others play with balls,

The chatter amongst accepted behaviour,

Will you do us a favour?

Like a lap dog you will bark,

Sit on command to you yield,

This no ordinary school for sure,

You’re not popular so move along,

There is no here to save you,

Just the teachers who try to venge you in your favour,

They can’t do much just sorrow,

Now grow up and learn to swallow.

Education system

Find your muse by being you.

Roses fill the meadows into a red pool of love,

The melody of the birds singing in the cherry blossom tree,

Standing under the tree with a soft spot in my heart,

The one holding it is before me,

Ocean blue iris looking in my brown glob,

I think I might descend in depths and die.

Pool of romance

Everyone looked miserable at the cemetery. All dressed in black lifeless as if the whole world has dawned Satan in front of them. The casket lowered as the pope spoke. I went up to my grandma and asked who it was and how did I end up here? She didn’t answer me nor look at me she just cried her heart out. Was she ignoring me? I look at the grave stone. Here lies my name. I wanted to tell everyone Im here but everything went into darkness as the dirt lowered before me.

The dark

She fell for my trap her tongue flickers like a venomous snake. No else sees the poison but me. Her tongue runs wild around her friends,

It spreads like wildfire. She play the victim when she started all of this now she will see the sis,

Need more proof behold your eyes the truth between those lies,

Look online what I spoke my truth knows its worth,

Do you finally believe me or the cheat?

She shone her true colours,

That doesn't look pretty now does it?

The snake girl

Let your world brighten with people who deserve your time.

I go high on the swing I can’t reach the tree,

I keep on trying but how high I go comes to a point,

I remember how I had these dreams to go on moon or discover something new,

I had this dream to be finally known,

I go higher this time the swing of truth in the vines interwoven,

The animal kingdom became dominated by mankind,

Are they the real animals or are we?

The man or the bear I think we can choose between the bear,

The women or the tiger do we really need the help to decide?

Listen to me we are the crime not the animals coming to a line,

At the end we dreamed of something new but this wouldn’t happen with you,

We could say bye to future generation I’ve lost hope in humanity,

I have another dream can we start over?

Humanity lost

I have a habit of writing. I have loads of brilliant ideas then I just ditch them because a new idea just came into my head. Was it because I didn’t like the endings? I can never finish books in general, I think its because of the weight of the emptiness the book left after finishing. Sometimes I wish books could continue as infinite.

Ending

Acknowledgements :

Thank you for reading my first poetry and mixed content! I hope you enjoyed it as a whole. In the future I plan on writing more so stay tuned if you're interested. My gratitude is with you in the flesh. I would like to hear feedback on reviews on Amazon. I’d like to know what shall I improve on. If you’re interested in more content like this check out my socials or email me.

Tik tok: itx_barbara

Email : itxbarbara10@gmail.com

Discord: itx_barbara

Thank you to my mother for listening to my poems, enduring my long chatter. You gave me feedback and improved my mistakes.

Thank you to my Auntie for teaching me proper tense and helping me increase my vocabulary.

My book dedication goes to my family, my first love and my bullies who proved me wrong.