Deep within each of us lie two things that control our lives and the

way we live them. Our behavior and attitudes and lifestyle are

governed by them. If we want to change our life then we need to look

at these foundational things that have governed us all our lives.

These foundations are our beliefs and our values. They color our

lives even though we may not be aware of them. They are deeply

affected by our upbringing and the things that have happened to us

and the conclusions we have drawn from those things.

Let us look at our beliefs in particular. Our beliefs have a

positive or negative influence on us. If we have experienced bad

parenting we will have some basic beliefs based on the experience

with the first two important relationships in our life. Perhaps your

father was abusive, or neglectful. That will have set up a

unconscious foundational belief based on that experience that will

flow into your perception of all other men. You will compare men to

the first role model of a man that you had. You may even have a deep

belief that all men are like your father and a response of distrust

of men, or an expectation that all men will neglect you.

Here are 3 quotes that demonstrate the power of our beliefs.

"If you believe you can, you probably can. If you believe you won't,

you most assuredly won't. Belief is the ignition switch that gets

you off the launching pad." -- Denis Waitley

"The most important thing about a man is what he believes in the

depth of his being. This is the thing that makes him what he is, the

thing that organizes him and feeds him; the thing that keeps him

going in the face of untoward circumstances; the thing that gives

him resistance and drive." -- Hugh Stevenson Tigner

"If you think a certain thought long enough and hard enough, it

becomes a fixed belief and you will find yourself behaving on the

outside in a manner consistent with it." -- Brian Tracy

Our beliefs will have a positive or negative effect on our life. We

do however have a choice. We can choose what we believe, we can

change what we believe.

First however we need to uncover what we believe. Take notice of

fears and reactions as you live your life. They come from beliefs

that you have, but you need to dig down to find the root. If, for

example, the root is your experience of a bad father -face that

experience and uncover the lie that you have believed from that

experience. Your father was only one man; he made choices that were

not good for you. Every other man is not your father, every other

man does have to not make those choices and behave that way. You can

choose to recognize the reality of your experience with your father

and his actions, yet at the same time choose to believe that he does

not typify what all men are like. He was a bad role model to you of

what a man is like, but there are many men who are good fathers and

treat their children the way you yourself would have liked your

father to treat you.

That belief has been fed by your perceptions and expectations of men

colored by your experience over many years and is deeply rooted in

you. It will not change over night, but you can make a start to re-

evaluate that belief and choose to believe differently. As you

choose to change a belief, you will start to see changes in your

behavior and responses. Start affirming the new belief that you have

chosen, and look for evidence around you that confirms its truth.

Take back the power of false beliefs from your life and see the

changes you desire.