It is an unfortunate fact of human reality that the majority of us do not spend any time in planning the most important things in our lives. For example, do you wake up every day and plan to love your partner more? I remember hearing Richard Bandler say that this is what he did in relation to his late wife, and he had an extremely happy marriage. What is more important to you than your relationship? Surely going to the super market is not that important but I'd wager that most people make a list and plan what they are going to buy when they are there next.

What made me think of this was a situation which I'm sure many others have found themselves in. We are having visitors and guests for dinner and some of those guests are rather selective in what they will or will not eat. We have spent so much time deciding what to offer everyone that I started to laugh at what we were doing. The amount of energy and brain power being applied to just FOOD was totally ridiculous! I mean, let's face it; we weren't discussing a matter of survival, just taste.

In contrast to this, scientific research has shown the value of a good, close and loving relationship upon ones physical health, not just upon ones emotional well-being. It is a fact that those without a close bond to another human do indeed die younger and suffer more ailments upon the way. Few people expend enough energy on simply intending to love their partner more...and let simple matters of what food they eat or which television program to watch turn into an emotionally charged situation, potentially driving a wedge between them. If an observer were to appear from another planet they would think that we are totally mad!

How many more things do we have which are totally out of perspective? It is a fact that the most decisive actions of our lives are all too often ones which are completely unconsidered. I am sure it is Anthony Robins who suggests that we should all set proper goals on a regular basis, including not just work but personal, relationship and spiritual ones.

Perhaps we should all step back for a moment and think about the things which we tend to worry about and ask ourselves do these things really matter. It is likely that most of us expend a lot of wasted energy in worrying about things which matter little in the long term; at the same time, we probably do not really focus upon what does matter to us. If you do have an important goal, do you visualize it, see it, hear it and feel it? Do you, like Richard Bandler, plan to love your partner more every day? If not, why not?

Roseanna Leaton, specialist in hypnosis for change.